My Thoughts

Snow

Dear snow,

I sit under the cover with the last thing I have to hold close to me that doesn't stab sharp into my heart. I guess she didn't care. I stare at the snow. It drifts and softly lands on everything the air touches. It's calling yet makes me anxious cause i know it's beautiful and cute for now but when it gets heated everything will melt and it'll be horrible. I'll hate it. It'll miserable hit me. Every raindrop will remind me of the amazing snow we had but guess I'll have to get over it. I hate the rain but people about at me when I moan about it. Because it's my fault things got hot. So hot Infact before the snow melted when I tried to touch it it'll burn your hand. The only snow in the world that'll give you a real burn Instead of frostburn . 

I stand up and begin to walk. Holding the scarf you used to wear close to my chest. I kick the snow against the trees and I hear the rustling of the branches above you. I shouldve put on more layers. I'm freezing cold. I can't feel anything in my body in numb. I just now I like the snow. So I'll go through loads of shit just to sit in it. I drop down onto my ass again and lean against the tree. Maybe I should just push it aside. Maybe I should go inside and ignore the snow. Then when it turns to rain it wont bother me. But you know full well I won't. That's why you drop snow on my head and make it slide onto my back. You know I'll go through it just to hear the crunching as I walk or have the sight of the snow dance with the trees drifting between the branches. You just know im an idiot. I'll do anything to feel good about myself even for a second. That's why you torment me for every second of my life.

The rains here. It hurts. It's not rain like normal it's hail. It's hitting me everywhere. I dropped the scarf. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I swear. My regrets fill my body. Every time I kicked snow i feel it kick back now the rain is due. My legs feel weak and I can't and I can't get home. I'm trembling at the feet of the weather and nobody cares. I've been screaming and crying about the rain but nobody will listen. Everyone thinks the snow cloud has moved on to somthing better but I know it's not true. I'm crumbing under the wet disgust of others. I wish I could tell you different. But you won't listen.

I made it home. I'm never going out in the snow again. Rain like that has made me feel like maybe staying away from it all is worth a shot. You might look back at the rain that hit me and feel bad but I don't know. I can't say I don't care cause sometimes I wish a snow cloud would hit me. Me being stupid would probably go out in it. But never that deep, cause in stupid but I know more of that rain and id be suicidal. But thanks. For the snow that is. It was a nice change of pace.
Goodnight.
Jack.