My Thoughts

Standing in the hall

I'm stood in the hall looking st my feet as I'm told about every wrong thing I've done. Told about things I did that I warned them about. Again and again. Repeated every time I fail and I walk back in. I pull out the same old angered dagger from my pocket. Another one will go with it. Another person who can't stand me. I crack my knuckles and fiddle with the blade. The shine from the windows hits the anger and forms a devilish smile upon it. The famous old excuse I've made for myself. I'm sorry. Slowly I drag my legs toward the back of the soul I'm harming. I lift the knife up to the back of my victim weakly. I try desperately to let of the knife in my hand. But instead I grip it tighter. My moral guidance that held me back before is tired. Slowly I push it into the back and tears well in my eyes.

The walls around me tumble and pile up beside me, the people who trusted me see me and what I've done. My heart stops as I gain control. I let go of the knife. My knees feel weak and the blame rests on my shoulders. My voice speaks out from a mouth that isn't my own. But from Jack's. Disgusting things. But to be expected. He's my responsibility. If I didn't want this I should've held him back by now but all I do is use him as an excuse. Piercing looks penetrate my every thought and movement. They think I'm disgusting. No one knows how it feels. Jack repeats it in my head. Make yourself the victim, do it. My throat closes up and its hard to breathe. My heart begins to bang against my chest and scream for help in unison with my head. My neck could snap at any second and My hands start to shake. The same feeling I've had for weeks. No. Months. Whenever I'm in bed. The same thought is the only thing I have left.

Take me out.

Finish this waste of a life.