My Thoughts

My Head

I've been here before. My head pounds and my heart rips and tears. You should've done it differently. You ruined this for me. My lies catch up as blood boils inside. The door locks and i stare down. My head beats and burns. Confused. Insanity is taking over. Who do you think you are. There are people who need this help your taking the attention! Your lying do people care about you. And who does?! No one! You lied for this and still no one cares.

I splash water on my face and the mirror shales before me. I'm scared to look up. The uncertainties. The insecurities. Still I look up. Who. Are. You. My head hurts as I stare at who I am. Its disgusting. My hand slams down onto the sink that I'm resting on. My stomach growls. I face down and it rises and rises and sticks st the back of my throat. It jabs and teases. My head screams spit it out. Over and over. Get it out. Get it out! Still I'm stuck. Because people expect you to be strong. So you will.  Tears creep out.I thought I said be strong. Weakness. Your useless. Give them what they want. No one wants a pathetic welp. Suck it up. Fucking hell just suck it up. No wonder she doesn't care.

I hold my neck tight while I lay alone. I confront my problems but they fight back. I scratch at my throat. They back off sand come back moments after. I keep scratching and scratching.  The relief. Finally its only physical. I can't stop. Scratch. keep going. It doesn't matter what anyone says nothing is better than this relief. Keep going! I manage to slowly rip my hand from my back and I cover my eyes as teases pour through. Your fine now. Nothing matters. There gone. And when they come back you can just scratch them off. I look up at my ceiling. I don't want to be here anymore. Its not worth it.