My Thoughts

Her...

I don't think you realise who I am. Dirty deeds fill my head as I question my existence and my identity. Your hand rests on my shoulder while I'm sat still. Another lie. Blatant but it gets you to give up because you know you're never going to get through to me. I squint my eyes to try see through the blurriness my tears produce. I slide my hand under my shirt and tear into my skin. My eyes drift around room spotting the one I feel most comfortable with, and I know I'll never truly get to be myself around her, she's nothing but fantasy. She's been given quizzes and clues . yet the thought has never crossed her mind.

Her poor mind. She's tuck in the idea that no one could ever think she's pretty or think that anyone could give more than two seconds to talk to her and get to know her. I've heard it all and seen the pain she goes through but she has not a single clue about what I spend my time thinking about. That I know she thinks she's not as worthy ad other girls. I think differently. Her bubbly tone and her all around loveable personality is something I would tressure if it were mine.  Her adorable little hands always have something to fidget with no matter what's happening. But I can tell the bags under her eyes are getting worse. I've tried telling her she can talk to me. I've tried telling her I care. I swear.

Maybe she just doesn't want to deal with me because I'm nothing more than hopeful. My mind doesn't want to go into panic, thinking all different things that make my sins crawl up my back. I resort to scratching my weak spots.

You rest your hand on my shoulder again and I turn back to you. "It's alright, you can talk to me." I shake head and then turn away." Later." I grab my mouse and check the time. Ten more minutes. Ten long minutes. I tap my feet along to the beat of a song that saved me from myself recently in hopes it'll happen again. I feel pushing from the guy to my left hearing him chant whatever stupid shit entertains him. It pushes me to my limits ad the tears that haunted me not too long ago approach with confidence as they all bundle I'm my eyes ready to deploy into the hellhole that is the classroom. Make it end.