Same wall. Different day. Feels like the same old loop. I wake up and I stare at a wall and I create lies for melt to believe to keep myself afloat. I never meant to spread my lies outside my brain. But hey. They did. I create an image of who I wish I could've been.
My legs lift up onto the branch and i stretch my arms out. My legs don't ache. My head doesn't hurt. I'm not upset. I'm finally calm. I open my eyes and drop down. Around me is nothing but woods and small Areas where the trees clear and little ponds are dotted around. I approach a clearing and sit by one of the ponds are placed. I think of the horrible things others have to endure. Not me. Finally I stop being so selfish and id care about other people. I wish I could sit by the pond for hours. With no pain, no worries.
Instead I'm sat with the same horrifying thoughts. The same nagging actions I've done and pain I've caused that keep the same guilt wrapped around my head. Trapped in a cage people are carrying me through a town. a guillotine is set up for me. The most wanted criminal in my head is myself. The truth fed through has been pushed to to side as second hand. Plan b. Because I know what I did. I know what I can do. I know who I've hurt. And all I can hope for is the blade to strike my neck and make sure I'm not thinking like Annie. I better enjoy today cause tomorrow ain't gonna fucking come. I lean back in my cage and yawn. I crack my knuckles. My head Is what kills me quickest. I swallow the blood dripping down the back of my throat and my heart is heavy. Pumping and pushing the elixir thats keeping the monster alive around me. From every vein to artery. Arms and legs. Heart and head. It'll be stopped. By the time the blade hits my neck.
And yet I'm still sat in my room. Staring at my wall. Wishing to be someone else. Wishing that I wasn't myself.
YOU ARE READING
My Thoughts
AléatoireI write about what i think about, alot i wont publish some Will show up and disappear some never will
