My Thoughts

Pushing

I push you to the edge and you stumble a bit. I start shouting and screaming. About me. Its all about me. That's how I am. I warned you. You didn't take it when I gave you the chance. I tried to push you before you pulled me in. I told you! I warned you! I'm not a healthy brain, the thing that makes me say these things is not in touch with my heart. They clash at every moment, every second, every word. You think it sucks to receive it? Imagine me! I don't want to remind you of the fact I could walk out on will, I don't want to push my weakness out into the public eye and make everyone scream words that fuel this passion of rage. My vision goes blurry and I stumble back. I look over at you, scared? I knew you would be. Again I told you. You hold back tears and step forward. A death wish in my books. Tears well up in my eyes and I tell you to leave. Just go! Go before it happens again, before you get hurt again. And you walk over and you hold me and I'm frozen. You tighten cuffs around my wrists and push me to the ground. I'm trapped. You step back and look at !e one last time. The last time it seems like you genuinely give a fuck. You rest a pair of goggles over my eyes and I look at you. My heart gets heavy and I start to let out very little bit of carefree judgement I have.

I swear. I'll try harder. I'll do anything. You push me to the ground and walk away. I'm stuck with the only image in my head  being something soft and sweet. The same look you gave me when we stood outside. The same look you gave me when we were hanging up the only things we wanted strung up other than me. Everything around me turns evil, its against me. Everything wants me dead. I get faint voices of you telling me you still care and how to find the key. But nothing. I sit here. A mess. A safe only you can crack. I throw my head back and scream. But nobody came.