Watch N' Learn 3

Chapter 39

Chapter 39

Kayla

I screamed at the top of my lungs as blood flowed from my wrists. I can't keep doing this, I can't keep living like this. I'm constantly hurting and it's no way to fix this. 

I rather be dead than to live with myself every day. Everyone would be so much better off without me.

Life has been awful. No one can save me from this, no one. I want all of this to stop. Nobody cares about what I've been through and they'd only judge if they did know.

"What's wrong?! What are you doing?" Nash yelled as he rushed into my bathroom onto to the floor next to me.

I just cried because I couldn't do anything else.

"We talked about this Kayla, this is not the way out of it." he said trying to stop the bleeding from my wrists.

I didn't care if I bled out and died, that's what I wanted. I knew it had to be better than this. It just had to be.

"I'm tired..." I whispered.

"I thought things were getting better, you can't do this and I'm not going to let you. I'm going to tell your dad if you try this again. I know I promised you that I wouldn't but I would never forgive myself if something happened because I didn't speak up." Nash told me.

"They don't care about me, I don't care what you tell them. They hate me anyways, everyone does."

"I care about you if no one else does. You're just going to leave me behind to suffer if you go through with this? What am I supposed to do after that? I need you here with me...really need you to stay." he said.

I couldn't say anything so I just cried. I don't want to live like this. I really don't. I'm at the point where nothing matters, I want to just be at peace. I can't seem to find here on earth. The universe continues to work against me.

I never did anything to deserve those things happening to me. I had my virginity stripped from me in the most disgusting way. I was a child. I did nothing. No one heard my cries and if they did, they ignored them. 

I will never be the same again, it changed me forever. 

No one understands how it feels to be afraid of men because you think they are going to sexually assault you.

No one understands how it feels to be angry at your mother for putting her child through such a thing.

No one understands how it feels to be ignored by your father after begging to live with him to escape the pain but it all goes unnoticed. 

No one understands that pain will never just go away, it sticks with you forever and affects every relationship you have with a person.

No one understands that I am fighting to live and it's the toughest thing ever.