Watch N' Learn 3

Chapter 55

Chapter 55

Alyssa

Ryan and I lay in bed watching tv as it poured rain outside. Neither of us felt like doing anything today. I was just happy to be cuddling with him because I feel like we don't do it enough. The whole situation that happened at the pool a week ago has kind of been getting to him. I'm not sure if it's the fact that him and his brother were trying to communicate again then he's hanging with Jericho or the fact that Jericho hit my ass. Maybe both. 

"...I've been thinking about going to see him." Ryan said out the blue. 

"See who babe?" I asked. 

I didn't know what the hell he was talking about. 

"The one that murdered my mom." 

Wow. I sat up in the bed and looked at him. Honestly didn't know what to say to him. I thought he hated him, why would he want to go see him? That man does not deserve his presence at all. Let him rot in prison for what he did. 

Maybe therapy is helping him because no one recommended this so he must be ready to put it all behind him. 

He stared at me. "What do you think?" 

"I honestly don't know Ry..." I said. 

"Is it stupid?" he asked. 

I sighed. "I just don't want anything bad to happen or it makes things worse than they already are, but if you feel like this will give you the closure that you need to move on then do it. I'm okay with whatever you want to do, but I want you to weigh the possible outcomes of it." 

"I'm sure nothing good is going to come from it, but I want to be able to say that I at least tried." 

"Are you hoping things  will go differently than what you're expecting?" 

"I don't know. It's just weighing heavy on me and I feel like it's something that I need to. It might be holding me back from being the best version of myself." he said.

"What if he wants to work things out with you?" I asked. 

"I doubt that will happen. I don't know if I would be open to it because I don't want to deal with shit like that. In a perfect world, yeah I'd like for him to be a father to me, but this ain't that. I just need to accept shit for what it is and keep it pushing." 

I can tell deep down that he really want things to work out with his father when he goes to see him. He's never going to admit that to me though.

"So what exactly are you hoping to gain from going to see him?" 

"I guess to see where his head is after all of these years...I don't know." Ryan said staring at me.

I stared back at him not knowing what to say. I really don't want him to go but I don't want to tell him that. I just don't have a good feeling about it. He seems to really want to do this so I'll stand behind his decision. I just don't want to see him hurt anymore than he already is. 

He grabbed my hands. "Why are you so quiet?"

"I-I'm just thinking that's all." I said. 

"Thinking about what? Is this shit stupid that I'm thinking about?"