Watch N' Learn 3

Chapter 52

Chapter 52

Alyssa

It's been two and a half weeks since we lost our baby and it hasn't got any better. I'm trying to stay strong and smile like nothing is bothering me and I think everyone knows. I'm dying on the inside. 

Ryan sat beside me on the couch. He told me that he had something to talk to me about but it's been ten minutes and he still hasn't said a word. I have no idea what it could be. He's been very distant since I lost the baby. He's gone days without talking or seeing me. That doesn't make me feel any better because he's my fiancé. 

"I need a break...Alyssa." Ryan finally said.

I looked up at him. "What are you talking about? A break from what?"

He just stared at me. "I love you, but I'm feeling like I'm not right for you. I keep fucking up and my intentions have never been to hurt you, but that's all I've been doing lately."

"Ry...we're engaged. We just lost our baby. Why would you do this to me right now?" 

I didn't know exactly what to think. It was just too much. Ryan is all I know and I don't want to start over with anyone else. This is something that we can work through. Losing the baby wasn't completely his part, I'll own my part in that because I shouldn't have stressed myself out so much.

"I don't want to keep disappointing you. I fucked shit up so bad between us Alyssa. I made you lose the baby. Shit is just...too much right now." 

"So you're going to break up with me? Just leave? What about this?" I asked pointing to the ring on my left hand. 

He grabbed my hand. "I'm not breaking up with you or leaving you. I love the hell out of you. I always will. Nobody will ever replace you. I just need some time to get my shit together for you. I don't want to keep taking you through shit like this. All of this could've been avoided had I been here with you instead of in the streets."

"It feels like you're breaking up with me Ry." I told him.

I placed my hands together in front of my mouth to keep from crying. I love this man to death and we don't have the best relationship. I know he loves me more than anything, so I feel like we can work through this.

Ryan moved closer to me then wiped away the single tear that rolled down my cheek. 

"I promise that's not it Alyssa. We do need a little time apart though. Mainly me. You're growing and I feel like I'm stuck. I need to do this so I can be the man you need me to be. I've been bullshitting lately. I hate that it took losing the baby to figure this out for me. You my baby, that's never going to change." he said staring at me.

"We can do this together Ryan. You always talk about me leaving you and now you're doing it to me." I told him.

"Nah, don't think about it like that Alyssa. I'm doing this for us. I need to do this for myself and to be a better man to you and our future kids. We still gonna try for more kids. I want a family with you." 

We stared at one another and I swear my feelings couldn't be any more hurt than they already were. Like this is my man telling me that he needs a break from us. What if he finds another woman out there that he wants to be with and is no longer interested in me?