Watch N' Learn 3

Chapter 54

Chapter 54

Ryan

Alyssa and I were back for another therapy session. I couldn't tell if it was helping our situation or not but I was willing to try the shit out for her. 

For some reason, the therapist, Tiana, wanted to focus on me this session and I wasn't really feeling it. 

"I'm glad you both could make it back for another session. As you know, I want to focus on Ryan today because I think there may be underlying issues that could possibly be affecting the state of your relationship." Tiana said. 

"I work through shit on my own, so this is really unnecessary." I said. 

"It's okay that you feel that way but that doesn't necessarily mean that you are handling everything the correct way which could be causing problems in your life now that you aren't even aware of. You can't just pretend like nothing happened because that's not dealing with the issue." 

I sighed. "So what do you wanna know?" 

"Tell me when the pain first started." she  said. 

Alyssa grabbed my hand and locked her fingers with mine.

"It's okay babe." she whispered. 

"...my dad disowning me from the day I was born then killing the only person that gave a fuck about me. He shot her through the roof of her mouth right in front of me. I will never forget that shit." I said clenching my jaw. 

Mane, I can't do this shit. I'm getting pissed off right now. 

"Take your time...I know this isn't easy." Tiana said sliding the box of tissues near me. 

"I can't do this." I said.

"You're doing great. The emotions that you are feeling is  completely normal when dealing with trauma." 

I stared at the floor. "He really killed my mom in front of me. That shit haunts me to this day and I feel guilty for not trying to  help her. I could've did something instead of watching her die like that. I know shit  don't make sense but...a part of me was angry with her for a long time for leaving me behind..."  

"None of what happened was your fault Ryan. You were just a child. There  wasn't anything that you could've done." Tiana said. 

"My dad didn't want shit to do with me, but he's raising my brother and doing all of  this shit for him while I'm sleeping on the fucking ground in the fucking rain begging muthafuckers for a fucking meal to eat. This nigga was dirty as fuck. He watched me sleeping on the fucking ground and never felt shit when he walked past me. I hate him. I didn't ask that nigga for shit but to accept me, but he hated me so much all he would do is beat the fuck out of me. How the fuck you do that shit to a child you fucking created? He turned my brother against me. I been out here getting shit on my own since my mom was killed. Not a single fucking soul gave a fuck about me." I said.

I was angry as hell with everything. My fucking emotions were all over the place. It was honestly too fucking much right now. 

"No fucking body cared about my ass until I met this woman beside me. Nobody." I said as a single tear fell from my eye. 

I wiped that shit away so fast. I don't like this shit. 

"It's okay to let your emotions out Ryan." Tiana said.