Mistaken Moments

Chapter 18

Josh lay awake in bed. Nikki was sleeping soundly beside him. She was cuddled up against his body. He sighed moving away from her a little; she sighed and rolled over away from him. He wanted to go see Ella badly, took everything in him to not go find her room and spend time with her. He was worried about her, she still wasn't feeling well. She looked so pale, and tired. He just wanted to talk to her to see how she was doing.

He had tried this evening when they all went out for supper and drinks. But Nikki would not allow his attention be on anyone else but her. It made him angry. Ella was so cute tonight. Ian had arrived to spend the next four days with them, Ella freaked out because she thought her cat Mo was alone. He had our other friend Brett take care of him. Ella loved her cat.

Once over supper, Ian was sitting closely with Ella, Josh felt a pang of jealousy. He didn't want anyone else near her. He had not right to be jealous at all. He was the one who just had sex with the woman beside him, but had another woman on his mind the whole time.

He slid out of the bed quietly and pulled his shorts on, and a t-shirt. He slowly opened the balcony door and closed it slowly behind him. The warm tropical breeze was amazing, the smells of flowers and the ocean hit his senses. Such a beautiful night. He walked down to the shore line; the waves crashed against the shore, the moon glistened off of the water.

The sand was warm beneath his feet. He loved the beach and the ocean. He loved Hawaii usually but not this time. Why did he have to get her pregnant? He sat down in the sand, burying his feet in the warmth.

"Hey."

"Holy shit." He jumped and turned to look in the direction of the voice. He knew who it was before he turned around. "You scared me sweetheart." He said softly looking at her. She looked beautiful.

"Mind if I join you?"

He gave her one of his half grins and patted the sand next to him. She sat down sticking her feet in the sand the same way his were.

"I can't sleep." She said softly.

"Story of my life." Josh chuckled. "Are you feeling any better?"

"It comes and it goes." She said smiling at him.

"You need to take care of yourself Ella." He said looking at her. He was taken by how perfect she was. The moon glistened of her face and hair. She was perfect, almost like porcelain. He reached out and pushed her hair back from her face, she shuddered when he touched her. "I miss you."

She turned and looked at him, into those crystal blue eyes of his. "I miss you too Josh. I am doing better now though. I have accepted the fact that you are with Nikki. I am going to be okay." She smiled. "I am not saying that I am over what we had......I don't think I can get over loving you, I will never stop loving you Josh. I am accepting living without you. I still don't know where I begin or where I end.........or what I am supposed to do at any giving point, but the sadness is gone" Ella said, she knew why the sadness was gone, because she had a piece of Josh alive and growing inside of her. She would always have a piece of him.

He ran his hand roughly through his hair. "I wish I wouldn't have been so stupid when it came to Nikki. I should have just let her go when we broke up. I just didn't think I was strong enough to be alone. She at one time was my everything." He looked at Ella. "You are my everything."

She reached over and touched his face. "Do you love her Josh?"

He sighed. "Yes...... but......." He started but she cut him off.

"Then that is all that matters." She said her voice breaking, a tear slid down her face, but she still managed to smile at him. "You will be happy Josh, once you forget about me. I know I told you not too.......but I think it is better."

"I could never forget you."

"You have too." Ella said standing up and brushing the sand off of her. "I am leaving tomorrow, booked a flight tonight......and I am leaving Vancouver."

"You are what?" Josh asked raising his voice. "Ella! You can't leave."

"Why not?"

"Because I love you too." He spat out, finally. "Ella sweetheart......I want you in my life."

Ella snorted, "How Josh? Your miserable bitch of a girlfriend hates me. Besides I don't want to watch you two together anymore. I can't stand it. Just let it go Josh." She said and turned to walk away. Josh reached out and grabbed her.

"If it wasn't for the baby Ella."

"Then what??? You would still be with me and fuck her on the side." Ella said sternly to him.

"Hey I was not with her when we were together." He had a hold of both of her arms, to keep her where he wanted her.

"Yes and no, you were still talking to her, texting her, you ALMOST slept with her in Toronto. I should have known then. You are fucking messed in the head Josh."

"I said I was sorry for that."

"Just let me go Josh. I am tired and I don't want to fight with you."

"You are not being fair." He snapped.

"How so!!!" she asked glaring at him and trying to get out of his grasp. "Just let me go Josh."

"You are going to stay here and hear what I have to fucking say Ella. You knew that I was involved with Nikki, from day one. You jumped into bed with me pretty much right away...........we were not even dating........"

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?"

"Do I need to spell it out for you." He said glaring at her. He was pissed that she was right about the whole Nikki thing, but being the dick that he was would never admit it and turn it around on her. That is what he did when he was angry. The reason why Nikki probably cheated on him after three years.

"Please do." She choked out, the tears had started. The anger in his eyes made her upset.

"Two lonely people.......having sex.........fucking. Just a way to help me forget my problems."

She broke free of his grasp and she slapped him. "You bastard. How can you make what we had sound so cheap. Fuck you Josh Ramsay." She spat and turned and walked away.

Josh stood there stunned, his face stung from the impact of her hand. He watched her run away from him. He said things he didn't mean and shouldn't of said to her, he was angry with himself not her. "Ella wait." He ran after her, getting to her and grabbing her arm softly. "I didn't mean what I said."

Ella stood there, eye adverted to the ground.

"I was never cheap, it was never just sex......maybe at first but not that last night we were together. You had to feel it. I love you so much. Please forgive me for what I said.''

She wiped the tears away, she looked at him. "This has to stop Josh. You and Nikki are having a baby. You need to let me go."

"I don't want to."

"You have to."

Josh pulled her into his arms, kissed the top of her head. Ella wanted to pull away but she couldn't. She loved how his arms felt around her body. They encircled her.

She pulled back and looked up at him. "You can't have your cake and eat it too Josh." She pushed out of his arms. "I am going to walk away from you now and I am not going to look back. You are going to go back to Nikki and I will go on with my life."

Josh looked down at her. "So this is goodbye." A tear slid down his face, he reached down and touched her skin on her face, so beautiful in the moonlight. "Take care of yourself."

"You too." She smiled softly. She stood on her tippy toes and brushed her lips softly against his one last time. "Do great things Josh." She said before leaving his arms and walking away.

Josh stood there, the tears fell softly down his face. This was the last good bye. The reality was he knew that he wouldn't see her again anytime soon, hopefully their paths would cross someday. He didn't know how he would live without her, he was going to miss her, she was his everything, his perfect porcelain.