Mistaken Moments

Chapter 22

Josh was in the sound booth working on a song that was named porcelain. He had written the night he was in Hawaii, the night that he said goodbye to Ella on the beach. She looked so perfect, her skin glistened in the moonlight, it reminded him of porcelain. She was so beautiful. He was having a hard time recording it, nothing seemed to work out right. He was so frustrated a couple of nights ago, anything that he did with the song just didn't seem right. So he and Matt decided to strip the song down, nothing fancy. Josh was going to play the piano and sing. Simple and beautiful just like Ella.

"You thought by now that you'd have it figured out, you can't erase the way it pulls when seasons change. It hurts sometimes to find where you begin, but you are perfect porcelain."

He finished signing the song, he was emotional distraught when he was finished. He sat there at the piano, ran his hand roughly his hair. He was trying to let Ella go and get on with his life. He had not heard from her since Christmas eve, it was now July, the album was just about done, they just finished the video shoot for the first single off the album, called You haven't had enough. Josh was so excited about everything.

He looked up and seen Nikki standing on the other side of the sound booth. He smiled at her; things were really good with them. He realized that he had to let go of Ella, to make things right with him and Nikki. Josh smiled at her before going out to see her.

"Hey Baby." She said hugging him and kissing him. "That was beautiful."

"I am glad you liked it." Josh said between kisses.

"So the video looks amazing too. Matt showed it to me this morning. You looked sexy. I don't like that you are kissing another woman."

Josh rolled his eyes. "She is an actress Nikki."

"I know I still don't like it. She is beautiful."

"Well you are beautiful." He said pushing a stray hair back from her face. "Why don't you let me finish up here what I need to, and I will meet you at home. We can order in, movies.......and just enjoy each other." Josh said grinning at her.

"I love how you think Josh." She kissed him. "I will see you later." She smiled and walked away.

Josh stood there for a few minutes before he went back inside the sound booth.

"Things look good between you too." Matt said making an observation. "Just like the good ole days."

Josh smiled at his friend. "Things good are good Matt. I have been thinking about asking her to marry me."

Matt just looked at Josh like he was crazy. "Are you fucking retarded?"

"What?"

"Dude........she isn't right for you. I know you care about her....but come on. I don't think she is the one you want to spend your life with."

Josh sighed. "Matt......I know you thought Ella and I would end up together.....but last February when she was sick......I tried to talk to her and she wouldn't return my calls, or answer my texts so I got over it."

"She is just really busy."

"You talk to her?"

"Ya I do, at least once a week. She still cares about you. She asks how you are doing all the time."

"She does?"

"Yup......she is coming to Vancouver next week for three weeks, to help Sara with the wedding."

Josh sat there in silence, contemplating what Matt just said. "It doesn't matter......I am over it. I have to let her go....she is not here right now, Nikki is. Doesn't matter how I feel or felt about her." Josh said matter of faculty. "It was fun.......it was a distraction to hide what I was feeling.....Nikki really hurt me.....I love her Matt. Ella is an amazing person, she deserves better than me. I can't love her the way she needs to be."

"I think you are a damn fool Ramsay." Matt said in an irritated tone.

Josh ran his hand through his hair. He knew in his heart that he had to move on, Ella had left and didn't come back. He couldn't wait for her forever. He knew that when he laid eyes on her, all those feelings would come back. But sometimes the one you want isn't the one you need. That could be a line in a song he thought. He looked at Matt. "Are you done nagging me about this?"

Matt rolled his eyes. "I guess for now. Lets get back to work."

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Matt had left the studio before Josh, he was there by himself. He sat there going over some of string arrangements for Ever After, which was going to be the title track off of the album. He was getting pissed because he could not fucking concentrate.

He sighed and threw himself back in his chair; he rested his head on the back of the chair and closed his eyes. He couldn't fool himself; Ella was always going to be in his heart. He could say whatever, he was still and will always love her, but was it the same type of love he felt for Ella. The kind of love that engulfs you and you can't seem to get enough. You don't know where you end and they begin.

Josh looked at his watch, it was late. Nikki would probably already be asleep. He would just crash here at the studio on the couch so he could get a head start in the morning. He stretched out the best he could on the couch, his feet were hanging over, and he fell asleep almost instantly.

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Ella groaned, she could hear Liam gibbering over the monitor. "It is four am, Liam you are going to wake your brother." She didn't get up, she would just wait. It was inevitable. Liam Joshua, was the active one of the two, he never stopped, always discovering and exploring. He had just started to crawl. Liam reminded Ella a lot of Josh. He had his father's eyes, and lips. He was his father's son. Her other boy Landon Miles was the twin that was content with a book, or sitting quietly. He still had his daddy's eyes but his features resembled Ella more. The twins were not identical, which made it easy to tell them apart.

She sighed and threw back her blankets; she walked down the hall to the nursery. When she got there she seen that Ben had beat her to it. He had Liam on his lap, rocking him. Landon was still asleep. Ella poked her head around the door and smiled, as soon as Liam seen her he squealed. This time of the morning, they were excited for boobs.

"Landon hasn't stirred yet." Ben said handing Ella the baby, he started to pull at her shirt right away. "Liam you have to have some patience's." Ella laughed as she sat down in the rocking chair, starting to feed her son. He closed his eyes, and put his little hand up over his eyes.

"How much longer you going to nurse the monsters?" Ben asked sitting down on the window seat that looked out over the Halifax harbor.

"Maybe till they are a year. Why?"

"Your boobs are huge, how you going to explain them to everyone next week when we arrive in Vancouver."

She rolled her eyes at Ben. "No one will notice my boobs Ben."

"Ummmmmm Men will notice your boobs, I am gay and I notice your boobs."

Ella laughed. "Are you switching sides?"

"No......but you have nice boobs. I may be gay........but I know I good set when I see them."

Ella laughed loudly; Liam jumped his little eyes shot open then fluttered shut again. She looked down at her baby, six months old soon.....She stood up and placed the baby in his crib. She kissed him and covered him up. She walked over to Landon's crib. He was fast asleep.

"Come on Ben, let's go back to bed." She said softly, yawning and stretching. "I give baby number two, three hours and he will be awake and wanting the boob."

Ben kissed Ella on the forehead and went down the hall to his room. Ella went back to her room; Mo was sleeping soundly on her bed. She crawled in under the blankets and fell back to sleep peacefully.