The coffee was bitter but it got my eyes open. I rubbed away the sleep in my eyes and studied my hands. My left forefinger was busted open and slightly bloody, but not so bad. I sucked on it and looked around my room. I shared an apartment with Gee, and generally kept to myself in here. There wasn't much to keep me occupied, a queen sized bed took over most of the space, and my guitars, amp, and one side table took up the rest. I walked over to Pansy and saw that I had gotten blood over the first twelve frets from playing after I split the skin. Beer bottles cluttered the small part of my floor surrounding my amp, giving call to the reason I hadn't cared, and couldn't remember, the previous night.
Gerard mumbled from the kitchen and walked down the hall towards my room. The door squeaked as he pushed it open and took in the scene.
"Jesus Frankie, what the fuck?" He looked at me with a slightly concerned air to his face. His eyes traveled from the river of bottles to the amp, to Pansy, the blood, and to my hand. My hand was suddenly in his, my saliva connecting a trail from my mouth to the bleeding finger. Sighing, Gee dropped my hand and hugged me before leaving the room. That was fucking weird. Grogginess and confusion glued my feet in place.
My eyebrows met on my forehead and I cocked my head as I bent to pick up the many glass bottles that littered the small space. Whatever was with Gee, I didn't get. I didn't usually play until I bled but it wasn't unusual for me to drink a lot, alone.
Once I had gotten the bottles into a bag and the bag downstairs, I set to cleaning the strings and neck of Pansy, steadily draining coffee pot after coffee pot.
__________________________________
I looked at the bottles collecting on my floor, again. I played another audience free concert and felt the numbed annoyance of my index finger. Super glue held the skin together as I played. It was weird and kind of uncomfortable but it was better than staining my guitar.
Pondering the odd behavior of my best friend, I strung out a new riff and started to run with it. I wrote down the notes hurriedly and began revamping it.
A knock sounded at the door and Gerard pushed into my private show and looked down at the floor. I stopped playing and my amp fell silent, only a slight feedback coming through the speakers. My eyes flowed over his black hair, obscuring his eyes, and over his hands that clutched at one another, something I'd never seen him do before. His natural beauty was somehow very blatant in that moment. I don't remember seeing Gerard so flustered and embarrassed before. Alcohol slowed my ability to come to the conclusion that he had something important to say.
"What is it Gee?" I asked.
"Frankie..." He said it as he looked at the buzzing amp. I didn't hear his feet as he padded towards me. Suddenly his face was so close to mine that he was looking directly down into my eyes. It was almost frightening, being that close to a man that I could look up at like that, but I knew that wasn't his intention. He flicked his fingers by his sides as he stared into my face. Nicotine attacked my senses as he flicked his tongue out once and he let himself look over my whole face. I wondered briefly what he saw.
Suddenly I tasted the nicotine and was angry at the guitar that separated us. I broke apart quickly, not really considering how he'd think of the action. His face held pain until I put Pansy on the amp and shut it off, pressing against him very softly and kissing him again. He reacted with a smile, and, putting his hands on mine, pulled me away from the small room.
We walked into the small living room and I saw that he had lined our few surface areas with candles and had two cups of coffee ready by the couch. I sat down next to him and took my cup, sipping at it, willing myself to sober up. The cushions sagged as he sat next to me and I smelled pencil shavings. He had obviously been drawing something in here.
His eyes burned into my hair and I turned towards him.
"I love you Frank. I'm sorry that you... feel so alone."
One thing about Gerard, is that he knows me almost too well. He knew the drinking was because of depression and loneliness, not for fun. Candle light shone off of his sparkling eyes and I felt a sudden magnetic attraction to the man. I closed the gap and crashed my lips into his, overcoming him.
I took over and climbed into his lap, setting down my cup of coffee. He did the same as I pushed him down. A smile played on his lips as I pulled away and looked at him for a moment before I kissed him again.
"Frank wait." I knew he'd do that. I was all about action, Gee however was fairly cautious. He'd gotten burned a lot more than I had.
"Gee, we can talk tomorrow, but right now, shut the fuck up." I didn't give him enough to smile or even look confused. My hands pressed hard against his chest and I attacked his lips again. His muscles rippled beneath the thin fabric as he encircled me in his arms. No hesitation, he kissed me back hard and fast. Apparently he could wait.
My arms wrapped around him tightly and I took as much of him as I wanted. Our bodies were warm and close, the silence wasn't pressing but it kept us close together. We lay on the couch for hours, never once did I let him slip away from me to start a conversation. No words would have been worth while in those hours anyway. When light started to shine through the windows I pulled away and smiled a shark grin. Humor was suddenly a part of my being again. The thought of playing another lonely concert was out of my mind.
"Ok, now we can talk!"
I shook as my new lover burst into uncontrollable laughter below me.
