Hello And Welcome To My Life

Chapter 27

   " Are you calling me a lier? "

   " Well, I ain't calling you a truther! "

My favorite line from Drake and Josh. I am not calling you a truther. With that line, you will know what this chapter is about.

If you don't then I'll tell you.

This chapter is about the truth.

Now think to yourself and don't do this in public because everyone will look at you like a weird person.

Raise your hand if:

1) Do you tell the truth?
2) Do you lie?
3) Do you tell the truth more or do you lie more?
4) Do you tell a lie more than you tell the truth?

You'll notice that more of you who are reading this raised your hand to number 4. It is statistically proven that people tell a lie more than the truth. Honestly, I like to think I tell the truth more than I lie. 

But, whenever I tell the truth no one believes me. 

Weird right? 

When someone tells the truther no one believes them no matter what it is. Now sometimes sure they could be joking and funny, but most of the time I can't say anything without someone saying I lied.

It's heartbreaking honestly. It hurts. I mentioned this early in another chapter, but I had this depression where if anyone said anything it would hurt me.

Example:

   " Hey, Laura you look very nice today. "

   ' Does that mean I don't look nice always? '

   " Laura you're great no matter what you think. "

   ' Why don't I believe you? '

   " Laura you are beautiful. "

   ' I know I'm not. So, stop lying. '

So, when someone claims I'm not telling the truth it hurts. Really badly. It makes me feel...........dejected. I feel like I'm going back to that depressed state. I feel like I'm going back because it hurts. It hurts when someone calls me a liar when I'm telling the truth. 

I don't know about anyone else, but I can say this and know that people who have gotten over depression will agree with me.

   " I never want to go back to that state of mind. "

That state of mind was horrible. That was the weakest time in my life I never want to feel so vulnerable ever again. Because not only does everyone around you hurt you but you hurt yourself. 

I will repeat my words from before.

   " Anyone who has depression has to ask for help because if you help them without them asking, you'll be hurting them more. "

Anything you say will hurt them like my examples at the top. That's what I meant by everyone hurts you.

Then, you just hurt yourself. You have all of these bad thoughts and you try to cut and commit suicide.

Depression makes you so, so vulnerable. Because nothing can help you unless you ask for it or you help yourself.

Once you're out you never want to go back to that.

I'm trying to get better, but when people call me a liar for everything I say, that brings me right back! It brings all of those terrible thoughts back. It makes me feel numb to emotions. It makes me feel unavailing. 

I never want to go back to that state ever again.

The real question is,

   " Why won't anyone believe me anymore? "

Why does no one believe anyone is telling the truth anymore. Really!? When someone says something no one believes them anymore.

Whenever I tell the truth no one believes me, and when I lie no one believes me. What do I have to say for anyone to believe a word I saw?

I already have an answer to that.

You have to say what people want to hear. That's the only way anyone will listen to you is if you tell them what they want to hear. No one ever wants to listen when you speak your mind. Yet, when you tell them something they expected and wanted, they will then start listening.

I'm not going to tell them what they want.

I'm my own person.

So I only have two options left.

1) Continue like everything was fine.

2) Become silent once more.