Hello And Welcome To My Life

Chapter 30

So I got to my fourth and I had a bad day and I was ready to snap at someone.

I sat in my desk and pulled out my phone and started watching YouTube videos. I'm glad my phone didn't annoy me at all. It surprisingly stayed at 69% fir a while which I was very happy and calm with.

I watched ' Get Good Gaming ' and I was trying to calm down. well there is a kid in my class named Robbie. He sits kind of next to me. I was just trying to calmly watch my videos when he kicked my chair.

INTERMISSION

The desks we sit in have rails under them to hold books and stuff.

INTERMISSION OVER

He was trying to put his feet on the railing underneath the desk. He left a shoe mark on my black jeans. I looked at him and he said sorry. I said it's fine. I turned back to my videos and continued watching.

Now I had ear buds in so I couldn't hear anything anyone was saying.

But, I noticed something.

Robbie kept moving closer and closer to me. I noticed that he moved closer and closer and I kept getting more and more uncomfortable. I realized it was because he was watching the video on my phone even though he couldn't hear it because I had my ear buds in my ears. I wanted him to stop because I was already having a bad day and I was ready to snap at someone and I swear if I didn't do what I did I would have snapped at him.

I got off of YouTube and onto Spotify and started listening to some of my music ( Out of the thousands of songs I have it played BTS most of the time and my random playlist as 10% BTS while everything else was random. It plays that most of the time. ) and reading my book. Once I did that he slapped his hat against my desk.

I looked at him and he didn't say or do anything. I just turned back around and continued to read and listen to music. I was ready to get out of there and back home. the bell rang and I walked out of the class and towards my Physical science class. The entire time I kept thinking these depressing thoughts.

INTERMISSION

If anything ever happens I always blame it on myself.

No matter what it is.

So if someone isn't responding to a text I always think, ' Did I do something to them? ' things like that.

I always blame myself and that's probably one of the biggest things I have to get over before i can get rid of the depressed feelings.

INTERMISSION OVER

The main thought I was thinking was,

' Why would anyone miss me if I died? '

That's something I'll get into later.

My 5th block wasn't that bad. We took a test I felt really good about and I was fine with it. The thing that made me mad was the two girls sitting beside me. they were cheating off of me. Now, we had a sub so she didn't catch them. I knew they were cheating and when I turned my test in I could tell they didn't know what to answer when I turned it in.

After the bad day I had, I just picked a random bus and rode it. I felt like if I rode Mary and Petunia's bus then someone would ask if I was alright. I didn't want to lie and say I was so I just rode a random bus.

It calmed me down a little bit.

Then at 4, I drove to Mary's house for a Super Smash Bros tournament. I left and got there by 4 and I realized I came an hour early. It actually started at 5. I blamed myself a lot for that. We played and then we played Mario Kart.

Honestly, I felt like if I wasn't there everything would be like it was, but one less person in the room. I feel like this friend group I am in is crashing around me. Honestly, I have a chat group with everyone and I sometimes ( like right now ) I want to leave the chat. You can't kick anyone out you have to leave. I feel like if I leave the chat and the friend group everything would be better. I blame myself for everything. So I blame myself for the group crumbling apart. I honestly don't feel apart of it because the stuff they talk about I can't comment on because I don't know anything about it.

So it was a bad day, but sometimes it got better.

I felt cared for when Rain and Wheezey talked about my birthday. At Mary's, I felt a little uncomfortable because I came early and I just didn't feel like I was truly apart of the group we have because I'm not good at Super Smash Bros or Mario Kart, and I don't know a lot about games.

I don't know what I should do, but for now, I think I still need to determine who my friends are and to ask them that question from before. I am very curious to see their response. I will post later what they said and talk about each one.