Hello And Welcome To My Life

Chapter 38

There are some things that you can say and you'll friends will tell you the complete opposite. There are some statements that I say they disagree with, but I still believe in them. 

For example:

   " I believe my grades are more important than my health. "

That's what I believe. I always try to put my grades first before my health, but I did a terrible job this semester. I did take care of other things and not care about my health but it wasn't my studies. I don't mind risking my health for other things. I really don't. Wheezey and Rain say that's terrible and I should put my health first. 

My health is the last thing I could care about.

   " I'm not smart. "

They disagree with that one the most. Even though it is true. I'm not smart, that was only a rumor that came about because I repeated a grade and when I repeated I already knew the material so it was very easy for me to get through the grade.

It was only a rumor and a piece of gossip that won't leave. Everyone will call me smart and really I'm not.

INTERRUPTION

If the students keep a B average, good behavior, and good attendance we can get exempt from our exams. 

I did not get exempt.

I had a C in Geometry. So I'm not exempt and I'm really sad about it. 

INTERRUPTION OVER

Rain, Wheezey, Alexander, and a lot of other people are exempt. I thought I was, but I guess I wasn't even though I was told differently. So now I have to take my exams which I don't feel the slightest bit confident about.

Rain knew I was upset. She knew I wasn't happy. I didn't talk and I just stayed quiet. I didn't want to be bothered today. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to be alone and in my own thoughts. Olivia apparently didn't take the hint that I wanted to be alone.

She talked to me and I didn't want to be talked to I just wanted to remain in my thoughts for a while. I did exactly that in second block. We worked outside, but I didn't say anything and I stayed in my thoughts.

I told Alexander on our way to third block, but I didn't feel any better talking about it. 

I would have skipped lunch, but I knew someone would get onto me for it. So I ate, but I forced myself to eat. 

Fourth block rolled around and I still wasn't feeling emotionally well. I felt sad. I saw Nora on my way to class and she asked what was wrong and told her I wanted to cry. 

INTERRUPTION

I know you people are probably thinking I'm a sad excuse for a human being. It's sad I cry for myself. It's bad that I cry over taking a few exams.

Well, I wanted to cry. I tried my hardest to raise that grade. My teacher literally told me that if I did the work and everything that I should get the grade to be exempt, but I was lied to. One of my teachers had the list and I saw my name on it. Then it changed when I wasn't called to be exempt.

My parents are very strict on me. I wanted to cry because I knew I disappointed them and myself. That I was being to much of a bitch to actually focus on my studies and worry about my work. I am terrible.

INTERRUPTION OVER

She told me not to and that it'll be fine and she hugged me. I didn't feel any better cause I felt like that was an empty promise. 

I don't feel fine. 

During fourth Rain and Wheezey texted me asking if I was feeling better. I told them the truth that I wasn't feeling better. They kept telling me how smart I am and that it was some real bullshit that I didn't get exempt. 

   " I'm just not smart enough. "

   " Yes you are I'm going to fight you. " That was Rain's response

Then she took it to the group chat I have with her and Wheezey.

   " You two got exempt I did not. That is proof I'm not smart and you guys are smarter than me. "

   " It doesn't mean you aren't smart, you've been through a lot this semester. " - Wheezey.

   " It shouldn't have gotten in the way of my studies. "

After that they kept telling me I'm smart and honestly...

I don't believe them. 

I'm not smart. If I was I would be doing better in my studies and I would be getting the same amount of awards Trey got when he was in his sophomore year.

I'm just not good enough. To me I'm not. Other people may see me as good enough, but I'm not.

I can't even have the grades to make my parents less disappointed in me.