Hello And Welcome To My Life

Chapter 23

Fear

Something we have a lot of. We have a lot of fears.

~ Rejection

~ People

~ Spiders

~Snakes

~Heights

~ Etc. 

So what are you afraid of? What have you got to lose by telling? Sometimes you have a lot. Sometimes you have nothing. For right now I have a lot. 

It took me a while until I found my fear. It honestly did. I never knew what I was afraid of. Not until a few weeks ago. If it was heights I wouldn't be afraid, I love the view from a high perspective. Spiders? I'm not afraid of them, I just don't like dealing with them. Snakes are fine. I know to stay away from them because of their venom. I've touched a few before. I can deal with rejection too. If someone says no then I understand. Do you want to know what I fear?

I fear being left alone.

That's right. I fear being alone. I know you guys aren't thinking that's not bad, but to me it is. That's why sometimes you gotta play the part of a doll. Smile and not say anything. It's what I do a lot. I really should become an actress.

Being alone. Something I fear. No one caring about me. I haven't had a nightmare in years, but I can only imagine what it would be like.

I'm in school walking through the halls. Everything is fine. I go to the band room with a smile on my face because I had a good 8 hours sleep. I open the door and.....everything is quiet. I see people getting their instruments doing normal stuff. No ones talking. I walk over to Mary and Petunia.

   " Hey, guys. Why is it so quiet in here? "

They just ignore me. Petunia starts talking to Mary about a scale test. I decided to leave them be. I walk over to Richard in the percussion section.

   " Hey, Richard. I'm ready to learn how to play Xylophone. "

Nothing. He continues playing. Not even looking at me.

   ' He's just very concentrated on playing. ' 

I wait, but he continues not even looking up. I check the time to see I have to go. I walk over to Mary and Petunia to tell them bye. They are at their seats with their instruments.

   " Did I do something to make everyone mad? "

Nothing.

   " If I did something please tell me. "

Nothing.

   " Guys I have to leave soon. Please te- "

   " Shut up. " Petunia said

I look at both of them. Mary glares at me. I try to say something, but I can't. My mouth is taped with duck tape. There was a fake smile drawn on it with a sharpie. I couldn't get it off no matter how hard I try. No one is in the band room anymore. It's only me and my friends. They all stand in front of me glaring at me.

   " You shouldn't be here. " Mary said

   " You just need to leave us alone. " Petunia said

   " You never shut up. " Richard said

   " You don't even do anything with your life. " Alexander said

   " Why are you still here? " Nora says

   " You're too weak to even make a mark on your arm. " Wheezey said

   " You should have killed yourself. " Hope said.

   " You just pretend. " Rain said.

At this point, I'm in tears. Then my parents appear in front of me. They say the same things. Then there is no one but myself. The duck tape still won't come off. I wrap my arms around myself and sit on my legs. I lean over and cry. No one is there to help me. No one is there for me anymore.

Then I wake up.

That's what I imagine. I'm shaking right now just thinking of it.

But,

Like I have told all my other friends when helping them fear is something you can tear through. For God did not give us this fear. If you don't believe in God then here is something else. Something that you all are going to wonder about. Something you are going to want to change your fears.

Babies are only born with 2 fears.

Yup.

1. The fear of being dropped

2. The fear of loud noises

That's it. We are all born with two fears. Everything else, all those other fears are acquired. 

Example: A baby can crawl out a window if you let it and down a flight of stairs.

They will stick their fingers in a dogs mouth.

They'll stick their fingers in an electric socket. 

They do this because they don't know fear. They are born with only two. So every other fear we have is acquired. So, can we get rid of our fears? Yes, we can. We can by telling ourselves those quotes.

   " God did not give me this fear. "

   " I was not born with this fear. "

I say the first one every time before I do something fearful. we were not born or given these fears except for 2. So why should we be afraid? That answer is the easiest one I will answer my entire life.

The answer is we shouldn't be afraid. As JFK once said.

   " We have nothing to fear, but fear itself. "

So don't be afraid.