Hello And Welcome To My Life

Chapter 36

Has anyone of you ever been in a group and felt completely out of place?

If you haven't, good for you.

If you have then you can relate to me on this. 

Today was Mary's 17th birthday. I was very excited and happy to go. I wanted to celebrate her birthday. We were also having a super smash bros tournament.

I didn't want to play.

I didn't. 

I knew I would lose quick and easily.

I'm not that good at the game. Everyone knows that. I can't play it at my house so I can't practice or anything.

I still went.  

I didn't play though.

I didn't play at all. I just sat on the floor beside the couch and watched everyone else play. I brought chess squares and a present for Molly.

I was silent. 

I was quiet the entire time. Whenever someone would say something I never laughed or said anything. Cause I didn't understand it or don't feel the same way they do about it. 

I just sat there, facing the TV, and smiled. That's all I did. 

I felt a little uncomfortable there honestly. I don't know why I'm invited to stuff like that. I don't know anything they talk about, I am complete rubbish at the game, and I don't serve a purpose being there.

Also,

I said before I left the chat we had. My friend  added me back in. He kept saying Mary would be sad if I left, but I didn't want to be there.

I knew I didn't belong there so I left. Then he decides to add me back.

I still feel bad about leaving.

Especially, since he said that Mary would be upset if I left again. I asked Richard about it and he said not to worry about it and it was just a chat. If they wanted to talk to me then they would DM me themselves.

I just can't help blaming myself if Mary is sad for it. I gave her a reason to be upset.

I feel bad, but I wanna be selfish for once. I really just don't feel comfortable in that chat, so I left.

Now another topic. Career.

I could never find a career I liked until today. I found one I liked. It was Cognitive Therapy. I told my dad about it and he started talking to me about other careers and telling me more about therapy. My mom walked into the room and told me,

   " As long as you are doing something that makes you happy. "

My dad started raising his voice. He started talking about how stupid her saying that was. She argued back saying that I need to be happy in the career I was going to do.

My dad and mom from there started yelling at each other. It got really loud. Trey came in and realized the situation and yelled at my dad to stop.  

Thank you Trey for doing that. I appreciate it very very much.

My dad at the time was cutting onions on the chopping board. 

The yelling got out of hand. He yelled at my mom saying that I need to get a good paying job and one that will make me happy. He yelled at my mom saying to stop saying that s*** because if she keeps telling me then it won't do me any good. That's what he said.

He slammed the knife blade onto the cutting board and yelled at my mom. I thought the knife would cut into the board. I got scared.

I had never seen my dad that mad to where he did that with a sharp big knife. I honestly got scared and almost cried. 

I didn't though, but I did feel the tears in my eyes. I was still shaken when I left the kitchen. I'm still currently shaken up. I talked to Wheezey and Rain cause they were the people I was talking to at the time. I talked to them first. 

Rain cheered me up by sending me a picture of her walking around in a funny wig.

Her and Wheezey cheered me up a little and I'm happy that they did, but I'm still a little shaken.