HARDAWAY | trilogy

V2 - Chapter Thirty Four.

𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐅 𝐂𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐎

               "When did you notice the blackouts return?"

My eyes settled on the middle aged Caucasian woman when her question eased from her voice box. She across from me in with her legs crossed and a notepad on her lap. She pierced her blue eyes into mine as she patiently waited for me to respond. I had to take these sessions serious because I needed to get them in check for my safety and everyone around me — Aalea mainly.

"When I heard bout my father having an appeal to be released from prison."

"And what did you do? Do you remember?"

"I— uh, hurt somebody that I love."

"Care to elaborate?"

"Yeah; I do care, actually."

"Everything that you say here, Sharif, would be completely confidential. No one; no matter their career field is will ever get these files."

Pausing for a second I exhaled heavily and said, "I don't remember exactly what happen. Someone had to tell me."

"And what were you told?"

"That I choked my girlfriend," I acknowledged, "I heard my name be yelled and when I came to my girlfriend was running to the bathroom crying."

She nodded, "And what do you remember beforehand?"

"An argument."

"And you mentioned this happening twice, correct?" I nodded and she added, "what happen?"

"It happened again with my girlfriend but it was worse."

"And what leaded to it?"

". . . Argument."

"Do you see the pattern?" She asked gesturing her hands, "You black out when you're in the middle of heated arguments; specifically with your girlfriend. Why do you think that is?"

"Prolly 'cause my childhood. When my father and mother would argue and he feel she getting too loud wit em, he hit her. Or kick her or beat her face in right in front of me and my brotha. It's crazy, though..." I chuckled softly, "he would turn it into som' fucking teaching lesson. Telling us — This how you do bitches that won't listen — then, he kick her or raise her up from the ground and damn near knock her out wit how hard he slam her into the walls. Always telling us men always have the upper hand. We try to help, he'll do us the same way."

"That's scarred you and it turned into Post Traumatic Stress disorder with you already dealing wit IED and OCD. You get into heated arguments with your girlfriend and you blackout because it takes you back to what your father done to your mother. But, she's not your mother and you're not your father. So, I have something that I want to suggest."

"And what's that?"

"Do you ever feel signs before you blackout?"

"Uh, yeah... I think. My heart start hammering, voices start to distort and then. . . I come to and I have done something to hurt the woman I love."