Avengers/MCU Oneshots

Cuts (Wanda Maximoff)

TW: Depression, self-harm. Post-CA:CW

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Wanda woke up in a cold sweat. Nightmares. Again. In the dream, she was back in the Raft. Even though she could look around the room in the shack and see that she wasn't there anymore, she still moved her arms around to make sure she wasn't in that straightjacket. She raised her hand to her neck, checking for the electroshock collar. All her fingers found was the painful spots where she'd been burned and the collar had dug into her neck.

The words Ross had called her in her dream- and during her time in the Raft- lingered in her mind. She wanted a razor. But she wasn't allowed to use those without supervision, not after both Nat and Steve caught her punishing herself with one.

Thing was, she'd been cutting since she was ten, after her parents died. The first time, she was miserable and noticed a piece broken of glass on the ground a few feet away from her. She had felt so numb, she wondered if it would even hurt if she cut herself with it. It had, but in a good way.

She rarely did it, but Pietro caught her when they were twelve. He had been so distressed about it that she stopped for the most part, only cutting on the anniversary of their parents' deaths. But then he had died, sending her down a much worse rabbit hole.

But once Steve and Nat found out, that was the end of cutting. Not scratching, though. But she was scolded every time she was caught doing that.

She really wanted to cut. Her razor was in one of their bags so she couldn't get to it. She didn't know whose, and it was risky to look in all of their bags. So she decided to just take a razor from Scott's bag. He had several disposable ones, and she'd get caught even if she used hers, since Steve checked it for blood every morning. And Scott was the heaviest sleeper.

She snuck up to Scott's bag, unzipping it as quietly as she could. She found and pulled out a razor. She smiled, proud of herself. She walked back over to her cot, sitting down. She uncapped it, and got to work. She slipped the lid back on and hid it under her pillow when she was done.

The next morning, Wanda woke up along with everyone else. She yawned, stretching out her arms. While the boys went to the kitchen to get something to eat, she grabbed the razor, hiding it behind a change of clothes. She slipped into the bathroom. She changed, and slipped the razor into her sports bra. They certainly wouldn't find it there. She then threw on a hoodie over her dress.

She walked into the main room again, and Clint handed her a plate. They ate, and once they were done, Scott said he was going to take a shower.

'Sh**,' Wanda thought.

Scott went through his bag, pulling out a change of clothes and a razor. He pressed his brows together.

"What's wrong?" Steve asked.

"I'm missing a razor," Scott said.

All eyes immediately turned to Wanda. Steve gave her a stern look, and Clint raised an eyebrow.

She raised her hands in surrender. "I didn't take it."

"Yeah, right," Sam scoffed. "Give it."

"I don't have it!"

Steve sighed. "Stand up."

She did as she was told and Steve ripped the sheets of her cot, trying to find the razor. When he didn't, he looked at her. "Take out whatever's in the pocket of your hoodie."

Wanda rolled her eyes, but obliged. She pulled out a couple random receipts, a pair of earbuds, her iPod, a panty liner and two tampons. She pulled down the hoodie, gesturing that the pocket was now empty. She arched her eyebrow. "Happy?"

"Other pockets," Scott said.

Wanda scoffed. "What pockets? This is a f***ing dress!"

The guys looked deep in thought. Wanda could easily tell they were trying to figure out where she'd hidden it. "Here's an idea," She quipped. "I DIDN'T TAKE IT!"

Everyone huffed, finally accepting her words. Another minute and then Clint suddenly remembered a trick Natasha used many a time in undercover missions. "It's in your bra, isn't it?"

Wanda's look of shocked surprise gave her away.

Clint stuck out his hand. "Hand it over."

Wanda, knowing when she was beat, pouted. She pulled out the razor and handed it to Clint.

"Thank you." Clint took it from her. "You took care of the cuts?"

Wanda nodded.

"Good."

The atmosphere in the room was awkward, and Wanda felt guilty. She looked down, and felt someone gently take her hand.

She glanced up. It was was Clint. He lead her out of the small building to the nearby creek. And they just sat there, enjoying a comfortable silence listening to the creek babble and the birds chirp. Then,  enjoyment slipped away, and she felt like she didn't deserve it, this comfort after she'd made the guys feel so bad. They were just trying to help her kick an awful habit.

"Don't feel bad, kiddo. You shouldn't have done it, but you did, and you can't change that. So what you're gonna do is apologize to Scott for taking his razor, and not sleep alone anymore. You'll share a cot with Steve or me. You know I'd usually ask if that was ok, but this is the third time that you've done this."

"You don't trust me anymore."

"You're right, Maxi. We don't. We don't want you to hurt yourself, but every time we turn our backs, you do. And we can only tolerate that for so long."

"I'm sorry, Clint."

"Go tell that to Scott."

Wanda got to her feet and walked back towards the shed. Clint walked to catch up to her. "We'll go visit my family soon, ok?"

"Ok," She said quietly.

They re entered the shack. "I'm sorry, Scott," Wanda whispered.

"It's fine, Little Witch. Just don't do it again."

"I'll try."

"Here's some tea," Sam said gently, slipping a hot mug in between her freezing hands. Clint lead her to s chair, and she sat down. She quietly sipped her tea. She watched as the boys did random stuff, and the knot in her stomach untwisted. This was good. Not great, but good. And she could certainly settle for 'good'.