Sunday, April 12, 2020
How is it that one comment can break down all my defenses?
I was doing fine, not perfect but not bad, when boom! My sister comes in and makes fun of some flaw of mine, and suddenly the world is falling apart and I'm trying to not cry in front of my family.
It was an offhand comment, nothing memorable. She probably meant it jokingly. So why did it hurt so much!?
I'm sorry I'm not a thin as a stick girl, I'm so sorry I'm not watching everything I eat, I'm so f*cking sorry I don't exercise like an athlete! I know I'm not thin, I know I eat without thinking, I know I don't exercise like everyone else. That doesn't mean you have to point it out, that doesn't mean you get to poke fun at me, that doesn't mean you get to shame me.
You don't know that I've been comparing myself to the other girls my age since gym class started having us change clothes. You don't know I've been trying to accept that I'm fine the way I am since 8th grade and have been failing miserably. You don't know how much it takes to try to describe myself without saying it the way I think it.
And none of my family will know, because they'll say "oh honey, you're beautiful just the way you are. But if you want I can sign you up for a sport? Maybe gym classes?".
That
Just
Makes
Me
Feel
Worse
So no to the no to the nope to the land of Hell No.
Not saying a word, just pushing back with my salty personality and sarcastic attitude and hiding how much it hurts me every time.
Anyways, hope y'all are safe and feeling well!
Platonic love!! <3<3
~Ink
