Tuesday, June 9, 2020
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Pride Day 9: how do you feel right now?
In slight pain, low key sad in the way I'm always sad under all the other emotions, kinda apathetic at the moment, and really wishing I could go hug someone.
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Today's going to be a short chapter, I'm not feeling the best (as you've no doubt picked up from above) and maybe sleep will help that?
Anyways, @AshTrash669 posted a message that triggered this so um, thanks for the inspiration!!
Nicknames.
I need to say this before I get into this: I don't hate nicknames. In fact I love nicknames, they're just really fun and I sometimes wish I had more nicknames than just characters I've been labeled the most like (not that I don't like those, they tend to be pretty fun too!). So yeah, I love the idea of nicknames!
But.
Back when I was seven, someone called me by a name. And while this name wasn't inherently mean, in fact it was actually a compliment in the very beginning, the way it was said to me, over and over and over again, made me grow to hate it.
I know what you're thinking. "Ink, why didn't you just, ask to not call you that?"
Yeah.
I'm pretty sure you all know what happened when I did that.
But just to have it down for everyone: I asked for the people who were calling me by the nickname to stop and they. Didn't. Stop.
Shocking right?
Anyways, that's right around the time I told everyone to stop calling me by nicknames, much to my mom's disappointment.
That's also why I have issues with nicknames, just mine though, no one else's, because if I don't choose them or people use them in such a way that it starts to become an insult, it really tears me down and makes me feel terrible about myself (well, more than usual). And it ruins the fun of having a nickname by people I trust, because now I don't feel like they're using it to show they're friendship, they're using it to insult and mock a trait of mine, because some of my first friends did that to me.
Like, yeah, I'm smart. Thank you for noticing. Do not start calling me by one of our former presidents' name just because he was a) smart and b) the beginning of his name sounds similar to my name. You know how much it hurt me to be called that every day for a year or two, in that sarcastic voice of yours? And then when I started to cry or ask you to stop you called me a baby and rude for not liking it?
Oh, and don't even get me started on 'Rapunzel', as you so kindly liked to call me after that first one. Yeah I have long hair, thanks for noticing, don't you dare make me both hate and love it because now I have issues over my hair for Odin's sake! And for years afterwards I pretended I didn't like Rapunzel, just because of your idea of a good nickname that's messed me up to the point that when my new friends tried to call me by it I almost yelled at them.
I just- nicknames are meant to be fun, to be good, not to mess up my head to the point that I have issues over seemingly random names that nearly have me in tears or screaming at everyone.
Side note to @Madame_Qtip, your nickname for me is cool, it's cute and I love it. Thank you for asking me I'd you could call me by it before using more, I really appreciate that.
To everyone else, just, be careful with nicknames okay? Ask people if you can call them by a nickname before you continue to call them by it, and stop IMMEDIATELY if they ask you to stop.
No👏Means👏No👏
Stay safe kiddos and remember that you are valid no matter what!!
I love you so much <3<3<3<3
~Ink
