Anyways, on this second day of pride (for me at least), I figured I'd talk about being a closeted ace!
Okay so, um, how did I figure I was asexual?
In that six-seventh grade time period I got some great friends who taught me about LGBTQIA+. My best friend though is the one who told me about asexuality, because at the time she identified as ace, however currently she identifies as aro ace.
So, for a while I'd just been chilling with my books and going "romance is awesome" but in the mindset of "fictional characters want it and I know some day I'll want it but I'm just not interested yet because I'm a kid". So basically, I was so far back in the closet I found Narnia (great book series by the way, sadly I never got to finish it, I'll have to take it up again soon). But then I knew what this asexuality thing was and I don't know, it kinda just stuck with me until it just kinda clicked and I realized I was asexual. And it wasn't exactly an lightbulb moment, it built up gradually until it popped into the forefront of my mind like "hey, you're asexual" and I was like "cool, time to think this over for a good couple weeks before I say anything to my friends". I did come out to them that same year, and it wasn't much of a difference except they didn't ask me who I liked/if I had a crush which was awesome!
Who am I out to?
I am out to all my friends from middle school, all my closest friends from high school, one teacher at my school, and everyone online. Oh! And my doctor. She was super chill with it which is awesome to hear from a middle aged white female!!
Have I experienced aphobia (homophobia but for asexual people) from anyone?
Not directly. Everyone I'm out to have been accepting and the places I'm in online are ace-inclusive so I've been very very lucky. I have seen posts hating on ace people in the past though, and let me tell you: that hurts a lot. I've cried.
What have I heard?
Oh lots of things. That we (as ace people) are faking it to be special. That we're mentally ill. That we're physically ill and that our sex drives need to be fixed. That we can't be asexual because asexual means we reproduce without a partner.
Any fun moments with your sexuality?
• I was in the car with my family for a road trip, and my sibling was playing go fish with my mom. And I'm listening to my music and chilling, when these words filter through, clear as crystal: "got any aces?" Cue me looking out the window like I'm on the Office and then preceding to say in my head "I have one up my sleeve actually!" I texted my aro ace friend what happened and she sent me roughly twenty XD's, which translates to dying of laughter.
• Valentines Day. Eighth grade year. Religion Class, graduation prep or maybe it was homophobic preaching I'm not sure. Anyways, both eighth grade classes were stuck in the room, my group of friends in the back. Washington, my aro ace friend and also best friend/unofficial adopted mom, comes in with these drawings of what an actual heart looks like (but in her art style) plus a message from her, and hands them out to our friends.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
^^^ this was before the play, and the line at the bottom is my solo singing line in the second song of the musical.
• the sheer amount of ace jokes I've made around everyone, aces and non aces a like.
• the time I did my nails in ace pride flag colors and my mom said it was a nice color scheme. Like, um, okay?? You do realize they're a pride flag right?? HEY MOM I'M ACE IT'S NOT A COLOR SCHEME
• every time someone asks me if I have a crush and I'm like "no" and they're like "lol no really who you like" and I'm like "*deep breath* I'm about to blow your mind".
So yeah, that's me I guess. Um, comment any questions you want to ask me and I'll reply to them and/or put them in the next chapter!
