Monday, April 20, 2020
That moment when there's too much school work so you forget to update your main book over the weekend and spend an hour writing up the update—
That moment when you remember your other story on another platform that you haven't updated in four days but you're too tired to update and feel incredibly guilty even though your readers have told you it's fine—
That moment when your online classes are sucking your soul away from the things you love, like eating, sleeping, writing, reading, feeling human—
That moment when you can't summon the strength or will to get off Pinterest and do productive things, like updating or eating or working or cleaning—
That moment when you feel so out of place with your family at lunch that you lie about school work to escape to your room—
That moment when there's so much you need to do but you don't want to do them because that'd mean trying to focus on something other than mindless internet scrolling and you just don't have the will to care—
That moment where you're too scared of failing to actually do something until the last minute and then you BS your way through it and somehow you get an A when previously you've gotten A/Bs and now you feel like a failure because your BSed work is better than your focused work—
That moment when it's all too much and yet not enough and you just want to call up someone, anyone, and ask them to help you unravel the knotted, twisted, corrupted thing that calls itself your mind but you don't want to bother them and don't feel like you're hurt enough to need it—
That moment when you're pouring out your insecurities and hurts and thoughts when 'This Is Gospel' by P!ATD starts playing and now you're sobbing because it perfectly describes your constant fears and worries—
That moment when it all stops and you can feel the fan blowing on you and your hair is floating around, pulled by the fan's air, and the dull ache in your legs from sitting for most of the day and the ache in your neck from staring at a screen all day and the light burn in your fingers and knuckles from typing all day for school and the music in your ears is the only thing keeping you from falling asleep or screaming—
That moment when you know you were happy just two hours ago but it feels like a distant memory—
Stay safe kiddos. Stay inside, it's far from over...
All my love, <3 <3
~Ink
