Wednesday, August 12, 2020
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Thank you for all the questions!!
If you want to ask any more, go ahead I don't mind!
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I love how even after I've taken down blinds with my sister, then put all the recycling out, then emptied and filled the dishwasher AND did the handwashables all without help, then get my mom's keys from her car while she was already in shoes and moving around and it would have taken less than two minutes, THEN take apart, move, and reassemble my dad's slow cooker grill thing without help, I still feel guilty sitting on the couch while my mom does stuff so I helped her tear off the plastic thingies off of the blinds I helped take down, moved my sister's old kitchen plaything down to the basement, and broke down the boxes the new blinds came in, all while my sister did nothing to help.
And of course I overhear my parents talking about how me and my sister never do help when needed and I have to pretend I didn't hear that, like it doesn't cut me to my core knowing that I did so much for them today, not even including all the writing I did today for myself and my readers, only to be pushed to side as doing nothing.
It's not like I've been sitting around all morning writing up a chapter for Sunday and publishing a chapter I wrote yesterday and answering notifications and answering comments in my inbox and answering emails and checking my phone in case a friend texted me and writing for a pet project I want to finish and publish within two months.
It's not like after doing the blinds I went on a binge of reading for a bit just to take a break and when I was done I had just gotten set up with a notebook, some post-it notes, and a pen to start calculating the ages of every character for a fic just because I want to when I was asked to do the handwashables (and due to the lack of space, implied that I should do the dishwasher and recycling as well).
It's not like when told to move the slow cooker grill thing, it was my sister and I who were asked, but my sister sat around while I deconstructed it and moved it, then built it back together.
It's not like my mom asked for my sister and I's help in tearing off the blinds but only I did that.
It's not like it was my sister's plaything and I was the one to get up and help my mom.
I don't mean to complain, I just wish I got some recognition for what I do.
Any recognition, if I've being honest.
It just feels like the only recognition I get is from the votes, kudos, views, hits, and comments on my works that I publish. And I love it, how much love I get from everyone because of my works always blows me away and makes me cry in a good way!!
It's just that I wish I got that from my parents as well. And not just being called "smart", being told how proud they are of my smarts, or how they compare my maturity to my classmates. I don't want that.
I want them to look me in the eye, and tell me how proud they are of me, of who I am and who I've become. And I want to be able to believe them, to know that they aren't lying.
I want to be validated for who I am, not my smarts or my "maturity", just who I am. And I want that validation from my parents.
I just want some real validation from them.
Anyways I'm crying and regret not refilling my water bottle, but it's too late now to change that.
Stay safe kiddos and remember to take any medication you need to!
Love you <3<3<3<3
~Ink
