Friday, August 21, 2020
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It's late, Wattpad was being stupid and wasn't working, so I'll leave you with a little vent I wrote and then turn in for the night.
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Don't you just love your parents making you 1) shorten your visit with friends to a hang out and not a sleepover like eVERYONE ELSE LITERALLY ONE OF THE PEOPLE'S MOM IS A NURSE AND SHE'S OKAY WITH IT, 2) making you come up with ways to keep safe when you're literally going to be outside with the chickens for a while most likely, 3) not giving you a confirmation when it's tomorrow!? I need an answer!!, and 4) shaming you for hugging your friends the last time you saw them, the first time you'd seen them in person for six months? Also also, I'm so sorry that I'm starved for affection I want and aren't expected to give and feels genuine. I get touchy feely when I haven't seen people in a month and it's been six, I'm so goddamn sorry for having fucking emotions and having a hard time with this during the time I should be forming my own identity but feel suffocated and for missing people that live less than thirty minutes away from me but I only got to see once of month if that before this.
I'm just.... I just want to not be shamed for the unbridled joy I felt that day, the day I climbed a freaking roof and watched an old Disney show and played ping pong and ate pizza while debating war and politics and civil rights. I felt alive that day, and I hate that shame that's trying to taint my memories. Let me have something, anything real. Let me have that untouchable joy that I touched, that I felt, that I held and experienced and remember. Let me have memories of things I don't have now.
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Don't ask how many times I wake up to dried salt tracts at the corners of my eyes, you don't want to know.
Stay safe kiddos and please, take care of yourself.
Love you <3<3<3
~Ink
