Saturday, July 11, 2020
~~~
So...
I almost opened myself via pun.
Again.
My family was playing a game and my dad was saying how he wanted to keep the card piles straight, and I almost blurted out, "But I'm not."
THIS
THIS IS WHY I HAVE A FILTER
MY SEXUAL DRIVE WAS REPLACED WITH A PUN GENERATOR AND IT TAKES EVERYTHING IN ME TO STAY IN THE CLOSET BECAUSE OF THAT
but seriously how funny would that be if, in the middle of family game night, I outed myself as LGBTQIA+. I mean, I'd probably cover up and claim I'm pan and then come out later (like moving out of the house later) as ace, but like how random and how freaked out would my parents be if I came out like that?
I love my family but I also low key want to create as much chaos as possible when I come out.
I don't know, there's just something really satisfying thinking about coming out and just, wrecking havoc in the process.
I'm like, 90% sure they'd accept my pan-ness but like, 40% sure they'd accept my ace-ness.
My sister and cousins would probably be cool with it, but I know all the adults in my life would have a hard time understanding it. Though my nana would probably accept me even if she had no idea what I was talking about.
Oh that reminds me, y'all don't know about my chaotic family!
*whips out a rocking chair and a story book*
Okay kids, this is the story of my messed up family tree! Most of which is pretty hush hush so I had no clue about half of it until like, a year or two ago. There's probably a lot I still don't know.
Anyway! So there's my mom's parents. Nice people, religious, lives in a different than me, both used to work for the university nearby them but now they're retired. My mom's their oldest, and she has one sister who is single and lives in a different state than all of us. My grandfather, let's call him S, has two brothers, one older and one younger. The older one died a couple years ago. My grandma, let's label her G, has like, six or seven other siblings. At least three of them are dead. The others are in a giant feud where the brother in a cult religion hates everyone else and thinks they're out to get him while the eldest sister is trying to keep the peace (and failing but that's not her fault). Yeah. But one of the sisters, my (Great) Aunt P, is this super cool lady who loves horses and has a boyfriend who loves horses too. Oh and (Great) Aunt M who makes homemade candy, shells cool too. I barely know the others.
And now my dad's side. Okay this is going to be a dumpster fire, so paragraph breaks will exist.
So, my dad's biological father, R, and mother, Nana, were married and had two kids. My dad the eldest and my uncle J the youngest (he lives in the same as me now). R cheated on my Nana, so they got a divorce and Nana got the kids. Sometimes after that, a good while later, Nana dated and eventually married Baba (they live in the same state as me too).
Due to all the biological parents and step parents, I have very little information on my great grandparents, which I'm kinda sad about. But I do know that I had a Great Aunt with the same name as me who was super similar to me personality wise and I wish I had been able to meet her...
Anyway, later after Nana and Baba married but before my dad or uncle married, R dated and married B (they live somewhere in the South right now). Then they adopted a girl N. She's like 20 years younger than my uncle and is currently in Europe somewhere. We.... we don't really talk...
I know my dad has a cousin who's like, 10-15 years younger than him who recently got married. I went to his wedding and while I never got to really talk to the grooms, you could tell they were so in love, and were really sweet with cool friends.
J, my uncle, marries K, who had a kid, E, with a trashy man who abandoned her and E before E was born. I rarely see E because he's out of college and has had some issues with his biological father not being who he hoped he would be and depression that he's just starting to overcome. But he seems nice. Regardless, J and K had two kids, V the oldest and A the youngest. V loves video games and A loves glitter slime. I um... I get along okay with them but we just never seem to be able to talk properly on each other's level. Probably the age gaps.
Anyway yeah, that's my family tree. Pretty messed up. I barely know people outside of the immediate family, or any family drama outside of the stuff I've been in the middle of. Note to self, never ever stay in the church basement the day before the funeral of a guy you got to meet for the first time that you remember just less than five days ago when the cult guy starts yelling. Gods, I was inching my sister up those stairs as the yelling got louder and louder until my mom was yelling at him that there were children in the room and walked us out of there. Never again, never again...
I'm sorry this turned into a 'meet my family, it's a mess and horror show'.
Stay safe kiddos and remember that if you ever need to talk my pms are always open to you.
All my love <3<3<3<3
~Ink
