Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
^^^ this is by @Thesquirrellord and is my profile picture! I really love, so thank you again to them for creating for me!!
~~~
I just had a period from about 4:40pm to roughly 7:15pm where all my emotions were just kinda, muffled. Okay not muffled, gone fits it better.
It was like, all my emotions just seeped out of my body and left me feeling emotionally cold and numb. There wasn't anything inside of me, just this soul-encompasses numbness and violent urge to close off all human contact, even online accounts for a couple hours.
And I know that's a bad thing. I should have started engaging more, try and push the feeling away. But it felt so good.... and it'd been creeping up all day, since I woke up and saw that list of things to do on the table.
It's so addicting, feeling numb compared to emotional, being cold instead of burning hot, wanting to hide away instead of interacting. It's just so nice, it's a wonderful break from never leaving never seeing never feeling better no matter what I do.
I haven't been okay for a while, but sometimes I get a good day. Sometimes I feel motivated. Sometimes I feel free.
But then it comes crashing down. It's not a good day, maybe not a bad day, be not a good one either. There's no motivation, I have no idea what to write or say. Who am I kidding, I have no freedom, no say, no choice.
I'm just a moody teenager, why should my feelings matter? Why should we think about how this makes me feel? Why should we care what she thinks? Why do I even try?
Maybe this is just my murder tendencies and fellow dark emotions coming out to play closer to my words than normal, but if someone asked me to die I would do it without question. I may ask for a day so I can write up apology notes and wrap up fics, but I'd do it.
And if someone asked me to burn the world down, there is a very good chance I'd do so. I was feeling good lately, I was feeling better. But it all came crashing down and now I remember that I can't have a good streak without a two times worse bad streak. Thank you world, for reminding me.
I'm sorry everyone, I'm just not feeling well at all and my emotions keep appearing or disappearing and I just really want to scream.
Stay safe kiddos, make sure to drink water so you don't get sick.
