Sunday, July 12, 2020
~~~
Do you ever just... mourn the parts of you you've lost over the years?
My innocence...
My eagerness to learn everything and anything....
My joy for life....
My ability to sit for hours, skip meals and forget to drink water, because I was in a book and never wanted to leave...
The way I never hated my body, never thought about my weight or height or belly or thighs...
My fear of spiders....
My fear of blood and dead things...
What have I gained from losing that?
My innocence was replaced with eyes that will never be able to unsee, unhear the things I've seen and heard.
My eagerness to learn has been replaced with the requirement to learn, so I'm not a disappointment and failure.
My joy of life has been turned into a cry for good always left unanswered.
My ability to sit and read has been stripped away from me, leaving me staring at a book wishing I could pick it up but something is keeping me from picking it up.
My acceptance of my body was ripped from me and replaced with eyesight that can only pick out all my body's flaws.
My fear of spiders has been replaced with the fear of rejection/abandonment and failure.
My fear of blood and dead things has been warped into apathy when I see it.
Is this my life? Can I ever return, can I ever turn back the clock and sew these pieces of me back together? Is all lost or will I one day be able to do something I used to be able to do or think, but can't right now?
Does it ever get better?
Stay safe kiddos, remember to only bind for a maximum of 10 hours and to drink water!
I love you all <3<3<3
~Ink
