Sunday, June 28, 2020
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Pride Day 28: a letter to anyone
Alright, so this is going to be the entire chapter.
Dear Hecate (an OC of mine),
During quarantine, I think I've really started to realize how much I depend on physical touch and feeling free. I know that's fairly broad, so I'll address the physical touch and then talk about feeling free, as I know you prefer my letters about issues to be structured, which I can sympathize with.
First, physical touch.
I never realized until I was not allowed to touch people how much I rely on being able to touch people I care about. Normally I'd greet most friends with hugs, or at least have touched the, on the shoulder of something by the time lunch was over. And I didn't realize how much I needed that until I couldn't have that. I need to lean on someone I trust, hug them and make it feel like we're never to let go, sit in the hallway and lean our knees against each other while balancing books. I need that physical touch, need to know I'm cared about and loved with a simple shoulder bump while laughing, hand holding as someone pulls me along, causal arm sling around the shoulders, someone leans their elbow on my shoulder because I make the perfect arm rest. I need that feeling of wanting me there, showing me that I'm wanted. And I just don't get that from my family, because I don't get the same feeling when I'm with my family.
Secondly, feeling free.
As you well know, Hecate, I have a issue with feeling free. I have so little choice that I need that freedom to do whatever I want to do that comes with summer. I need that knowledge that from 8am to 4:30pm I can be on my phone all day or type away for hours on my iPad or the laptop or barely move from the couch. I need that knowledge that I can sit around and read or write or watch whatever I want because I don't get that freedom. However, with quarantine, my mom spends one week going to work, and the next week at home, and then back to work the next week. Add to that, she gets Fridays as half days, so my 'freedom' is never lower. I'm paranoid she'll just walk in and there I'll be, music in my ears, typing away at my latest chapter and she'll ask what I'm writing. She'll ask to see it and I'll have to lie my way through it, like I always have to. I just want to be able to write freely, to do as I please, to not feel like someone's watching me every second of every day, judging me for doing what I do and how I act without ever knowing the oceans that rage inside of my mind, not understanding why I write and never show anything, because writing is my way of calming the oceans. Taming them, making it so I can understand them. Make sense of the worlds that are built and destroyed in my mind every day. I need that release Hecate, and they just don't understand that what I write is too personal to show them.
I'm sorry I ranted so much Hecate, there's just so much in my brain that I just needed to expel it to paper to try to understand all that's bubbling up inside of me.
I hope Honey is well, it sounded like her wound from the War was acting up. Tell Justin to study and Alder to take breaks, and send my congratulations on their engagement! I better be invited to the wedding, or else my order of a domestic magic book was a waste. Keep an eye on our little Dragon okay? I know he claims to be alright, but his father is going to prison and everyone's attitude towards him due to his family name won't be good.
And most importantly, remember to take care of yourself. Grades and studying are valid, but you're allowed be alive right now. Heal, Hecate. You've been through a war, you've fought for your and your girlfriend's life. Relax, take time for you and your friends.
Oh, and say hi to Minnie for me? I miss seeing her in the halls.
All my love,
Ink
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Stay safe kiddos, make sure to hydrate!!
I love you <3<3<3
~Ink
