Why? ~Jaden Hossler~

Chapter 49

"It's all your fault!", Jaden said yelling at me. I stand there sobbing and trying to catch my breath. "He is dead because of you! You should've never got anything with him!", he yelled again. "I-I'm s-sorry", I whispered still barely able to talk. "That's not gonna bring him back! I've lost him! It's your fault!", he screamed again stepping closer to me. I wanted to scream back at him that I miss him too and that I know it's my fault, but I couldn't see him hurt like this. "You have nothing to say! Huh?!", he said lifting up my face. I met his eyes and tears were streaming down both our faces. "Talk!", he yelled at me. "I know it, okay! I know! I know it's my fault and I miss him too!", I yelled at him pushing him back. "He was my friend!", he yelled back. "Mine too, remember! I loved him! I still do...", I said crying again. "Don't. Don't do that...", he said walking over to the bed and sitting down. The room went silent and we were both just sobbing. I sat down on the ground on the other side of my room. "Guys? Why are you yelling?", Amy said walking in. She looked at the both of us and I looked down. "What's going on?", she asked again. "Nothing mom", Jaden said standing up starting to walk out. "No sit down, tell me what's going on", she said standing in the door frame. Jaden sighed and sat down again. "Kate?", she asked looking at me. I looked up at her and stayed silent.

I couldn't get Jaden's words out of my head. Yes it's my fault. I shouldn't have argued with him. I started to cry again thinking of that night. "Kate, please talk to me", Amy said walking over to me. "I can't", I said standing up and walking to the bathroom. I lock the door and just sat on the ground crying. "Kate, I'm sorry for yelling at you", Jaden said knocking on the door. I could hear he was upset. "Just leave me alone, please", I said. There was no response, but I hear the both of them walk out. I just sat there overthinking everything. It's my fault... it is.

I wake up crying and siting up instantly. I was breathing heavy and starting to panic. "Kate, what's wrong?", Jaden said with a croaky morning voice. "I-I'm...", I said stuttering looking around still confused. "Hey hey, look at me", he said grabbing my shoulders, "it was just a dream." I look at him and started to calm down. After a few minutes everything went back to normal and I laid down again. "What where you dreaming about?", he asked looking at me. "Uhm... it's nothing", I said looking away from him. I still can't lie to him. "Was it about Tyrone?", he asked looking down almost whispering. "How did you know?", I asked confused. "You've been talking in your sleep the whole night. And I remember that moment", he said looking up with tears in his eyes. "I miss him", he said as a tear rolled down his cheek. "I know", I said sitting up. I do too, but I didn't want to put the attention toward me. I just looked at him as he looked down and more tears fell down. "I'm sorry", he said whispering. "For what Jae?", I asked confused. "For everything", he said looking up to me. "I-I never wanted to h-hurt you", he said sobbing. Jaden rarely cries in front of people and honestly it hurts to see him like this. "Jae, it's okay", I said pulling him in for a hug. "N-no it's not, I don't deserve y-you", he said mumbling in my shoulder. "Jae, don't say that. If someone doesn't deserve somebody. It's me", I said pulling away and cupping his face. He stayed silent just looking at me. "Please don't beat yourself up about what happened the past months. I forgave you and we've been good, right?", I said. "Not the past days...", he said mumbling. Oh that's right. We broke up... I couldn't say anything and just looked down. "And I know I messed up. I don't know why I... broke up with you", he said. "Why did you? Why did you start doing drugs?", I asked a bit unsure.

"I feel like I don't deserve you. And thinking about everything I've said to you makes it clear. And I feel like I can only hurt you and make you feel worse", he said looking right at me. "That's not true. You've made me the luckiest girl in the world. You always have", I said looking at him. "I hate you're feeling like this, why didn't you tell me?", I asked. "I don't know", he said looking down. "You know I love you, right? I always will", I said grabbing his hand. "I love you too", he said squeezing my hand lightly. We slowly leaned in and our foreheads were leaning against each other. I smiled at him and kissed him. He kissed me back and we slowly began to lay down again not breaking the kiss. It was slow and passionate. Like we haven't kissed each other for days. We actually haven't. After a few minutes he pulled away and looked at me. "What are we?", he asked. "What do you want us to be?", I asked. "What do you?", he asked. "No, I asked first", I said chuckling. He smiled at me and said, "do you want to be my girlfriend again?" I smiled big at him. "Yes", I said softly. He smiled and kissed me again. The rest of the day we just talked about everything. And I mean EVERYTHING.

Later that week I finally had the event I planned for months now. I just talked with Samantha and everything was settled. Everything looked beautiful. There was one part full of old pictures of my dad in high school, the world tour and when we lived in Tennessee. Another part had the paintings that my dad left for me in it. And the last part was a place where you can get drinks and just talk with each other. The main hall started to fill with a lot of people. Most of my friends were here and even Jaden's parents came. Most of the people were supporters who came and some of them I recognized from last summer. Just before I started to talk I see Daniel, Elena, Maya and the whole ice hockey team from New York walk in. Even the girls team was here. I smiled at them and started my speech. If I tell you I was nervous... you can't even imagine!

"Hi everyone", I started talking into the microphone. Everyone started to quiet down and I got even more nervous. "I wanted to thank all of you for coming here. I first want to start with thanking the people that made this happen. I want to thank Gus and his team for all the arrangements and for making it look so beautiful. And Sam thank you for helping making my wish come thru. Let's have an applause for them", I said smiling. After a few seconds everyone stopped, and I continued. "So some of you know why I wanted to do this, but I'll tell you the full story. Some of you know my dad as a professional motor crosser who won a lot of competitions. But I know him as the most amazing and inspiring father in the world. He always made sure I had everything I needed and made everything possible. He always told me to dream big and believe in yourself," I said smiling and tearing up a bit. "A lot of people didn't know he wrote, painted and wrote music for all those years behind the scenes. He told me once that it was his remedy for all the bad things that happened on the media. He never really let me hear or see anything, but that didn't bother me that much." I looked around in the room and locked eyes with Jaden. I told him what I was going to tell, and I was crying last night telling him this part. I was scared of not being able to tell it. He smiled at me and nodded that it was going to be fine. I smiled slightly at him and continued. "Sadly my dad passed away a few years ago. I was happy that he got to do the thing he loved and adored for most of his life, motor crossing. It was hard to grow up without a dad at that age, but I was surrounded by amazing people who helped me thru it", I said letting a tear fall and looking at Jaden's parents. "That was the same time I found all of his poems and paintings. That's when I started to think about showing the world who my dad really was. I wanted to show people who supported him what more of a man he was, the feelings he dealt with and the pain he lived with. So...", I said chuckling. "We put some pictures of his childhood and his life with the people he adored and loved dearly. Next to that we have his painting he made over the years. If you are here with your friends or with your family, take this moment to make sure they know you love them. I've been surrounded with the most incredible people I could ever ask for", I said looking at the group of friend who stood in the front. "Thank you so much... for being here for me and with me, it means a lot. I want to thank everyone for being here. I hope you enjoy the expose about Markus Loyal, my dad", I said smiling. Everyone started to clap and before everyone walked off, I said something, "Before you are going to experience it, I want to say something I wrote for my dad on my birthday." I took a big breath in and opened the letter. I'll just put it on a note for you because I didn't keep it dry. Yeah I looked horrible.

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Dear dad,

I'm sitting here in my room, alone just thinking. I miss you, a lot. But I know you are here somewhere. You always told me to live my dream, and I guess I am. I live in a house with my best friends, my family.

You are my inspiration to keep going, even tho it seems impossible. You always hid your pain from me, but you weren't really good at it. But I always knew you would grow from it and be stronger.

If I'm honest, I'm scared for what is coming. I'm scared of life.
I don't know where I'm going to go in the future, but I know I love where I'm at now.
And that's because of you.

Dad, thank you so much for everything. Thank you for being the most loving and crazy dad in the world. I love you so so much and I will see you again up there.

Lots of love,
Your little star
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After I was done Sam let everyone in and I walked to the bathroom. I miss him so much...

A/N

Okay, that was sad...
I'm going to sleep now, bye!<3