Dirty Little Secret

Countdown and Nerves

Nicolas' POV

   It's the middle of the night, at three o'clock in the morning and I can't sleep, whining to myself through the night as anxiety attacks try to slam into me one by one.

     In less than twenty four hors it will officially be my birthday and I will be able to find my Mate.

    Everyone keeps telling me to be exited because I'll meet the person that will finallt take care of Benny and I forever. But I'm scared for a lot of things.

     One of the main being that just because the person I find is my Soulmate, doesn't mean that he'll be a good one. I've seen so many Omega horror stories where the dominant lover takes advantage and ends up hurting the Omgea so badly they don't even want a second chance. 

    And I know that Benny and I are among of the more sensitive and softer Omegas making me even more terrified of meeting a stranger that might hurt me.

     What if it's not a stranger? What if it's someone that tried to bully me or hates Jason?

    Even though I haven't even been kissed, I know that I would really like a male Mate but what if it's a girls and he doesn't like me because I'm so shy. While everyone else tells us to blindly trust the Moon Goddess, Momma and Dad taught us that even those in peer make mistakes.

    And I don't want me and my Mate to be one of those mistakes.

    I feel my chest begin today squeeze again and I sit up in bed, tears streaming down my face as I whimper again, trying my best to make sure that I don't wake anyone up.

    'Benny?' I ask my wolf, knowing he had bee quietly but not too sure if he's asleep.

     'Yes?' He answers, his voice just as quiet as mine even though the two of us are the only ones around. I pull my legs up into my chest as I scoot back into the headboard along my bed.

      'Aren't you scared?' I ask him, tears welling in my eyes again as I think about all the ways that this can go wrong.

      'Yes.' He answers again and he doesn't say anything else letting me know that yet again, I have to deal with my emotions on my own, no support from my wolf whatsoever even though it really shouldn't be anything new .

     The other thing about finding my Mate means that my brother will be leaving.

     It means that he won't be around to protect me and Benny anymore and that I wil become fresh meat towards my classmates. Even the thoughts of that makes me want to cry. As much as I can hold my own in every day life, criticism and insults pierce my skin and make me want to give up and cry.

    I may not be a baby but I know I am sensitive and I've terrified that things are going to get so much worse without Jace around.

   I don't want to find my Mate because I know that only bad things will come with having one and I'm not ready for that.

    I'm not ready for a lot of things and it's all because people don't think I could ever be and never want to help me. I feel myself slide down on to my covers, turning on to my side as I cry, my tears leaking down to leek in to the bed softly as I sniff, my eyes squeezing shut as I try to stop feeling so freaking weak all the time.

   My arms wrap around each other as Benny whines and pulls away, always one to run and never support me like everyone's wolf does.

    He's supposed to be my best friend ha she can't even give me emotional support the idea of it makes me give out a sob that I shake my head over, trying to push it back in, but I know it's too late when I hear shuffling in the room next to mine.

     I try to wipe my tears as I hear footsteps that lead fork inside the room towards the hallway until there's a knock on my door.

    I don't say anything, hoping that he'll go away but instead, ther door opens and I can hear Jace lean against the wall next to my door. "I'm not leaving. So am I on the bed or in a chair?" He asks and I huff to myself, some times wishing he didn't care so much but also knowing that that's a lie. 

    I don't say anything and instead sit up, scoring over so that he can sit down which he does, spreading his hands behind him softly as he sighs.

    "No matter what happens tomorrow or whatever days after that, I will still be there. And you know that if you call me or if you need me to tell our parents to leave you alone, I'll be here." He tells me and I let my eyes to look at him, biting my lip, wanting to believe him and he sighs when I don't immediately agree.

    "I'm not ready." I admit into the darkness knowing that he caught the words and he doesn't say anything for a little while until wh answers, his voice almost a whisper and I can almost hear the small smile on his face as he says it.

    "Neither am I."

~~~~~~~~~~
I've decided to take my nap early. I'm really happy with myself today. I think I'll do my teasers tonight though I might not post them until tomorrow. depending on how sleepy I am I will probably do the Chan extra.

Thoughts?

Comments?

QOTD: Whats your favorite part of winter?