Dirty Little Secret

Mornings and Silence

Nicolas' POV

When I wake up, the sun is shining across the room form my window and I find Jason's hoodie next to my nose still, though my eyes can't fully open, caked with sleep and tears from last night.

I check the clock across the room as I push open my door and see it's almost time for me to get up.

I don't feel Benny anywhere in my mind and I can't even produce any tears, my ducts empty from crying in my sleep.

I gently pull my blanket and pillow from my closet, dragging them towards my bed and throwing them on there as best I can, my body tired and drained from the night before. I walk back towards the closer and grab Jason's hoodie, trying to decide what to do with it, and end up just tossing it on the floor where I was sleeping last night, my lip caught in between my teeth.

I sigh to myself as I try to figure out what I'm going to wear today, a whimper falling from my lips at the thought of having to go through the day as if my whole world isn't crumbling apart.

I try to hold back my whine as I grab a pair of jeans, skinnier than what I usually like, but my favorite jeans are in the wash. I grab one of my own jackets and place it with my jeans befor grabbing some shoes to set out, my clothes being set on the mattress softly.

Happy sixteenth birthday to me.

I decide to go ahead for my shower since I'm up early and gather my towel before I open my door, the hallway empty and quiet as I love from mr room to the door at the end of the hall.

Once inside, I quickly discard my clothes and let them hall from my body, folding them neatly and placing them on the toilet before I turn on the water in the shower, letting steam fill the room softly before I jump inside.

The water is hot, beating down in my smaller chest and my body as I stand there, not doing anything but letting the water wash over me washing away all the events and memories from last night.

I shake my head at my thoughts and ideas, swallowing against the lump in my throat before I reach for my soap, pouring it into my hands as I go to spread the liquid along my body. Once I've lathered myself once, I take some of the face wash Clary got me and use it , not wanting to look like I've been crying all night, even though I did. After my face is done, I rinse all of my body off, standing under the spray before I realize that's I need to get out.

I turn off the water and step out of the shower, grabbing my towel that I brought in the dry my body, getting all the water off of me before I reach for my lotion sitting in the counter.

Once my body moisturized, I grab my deodorant and lather some under my arms before I put both back in their place in the counter. Wrapping my towel tightly around my waist, I grab my dirty clothes from on top of the toilet and open the door, walking into the hallway.

And when I look up, I see Jason coming up the stairs, clothes wrinkled from the day before, grass and dirt stains all over his body as twigs sticks in his hair.

I freeze in the middle of the hallway and he goes to look up, but before he can make eye context with me, I whimper low in my throat and turn away, my eyes burning as I finish walking towards my door, opening it to slip inside. I take a relieved breath once I'm inside, pressing my door clothes tightly before I stop leaning on it.

Putting my clothes in the hamper, I look at the clock to see that momma is about to come through and make sure everyone is up. Since I have some extras time this morning I sit down on the bed, listening to some music as I slowly get myself ready for the day.

By the time it's time to go downstairs, I'm tying my shoes and slowly getting up, scared beyond anything to have to face my family today.

I leave my room with my book bag on my shoulders and walk downstairs where I can hear voices laughing and joking with each other. I can feel tears prick my eyes with worry as I enter the kitchen, but when they see me, it's smiles all around as my mom and dad rush towards me, Clary standing off to the side with a proud smile.

"Oh my sweet baby is sixteen!" Momma exclaims, kissing me all over the face and I let her fuss over me as well as my dad who throws his arm around my shoulder and beams down at me proudly.

When I look around the room, I don't see Jason and the realization makes me sad.

Just as I'm giving up, footsteps fall as someone goes down the stairs and when I turn my head, Jace is walking towards the door with his book bag slung over one shoulder. "Let's go, runts." He says, but he doesn't turn around to look at anyone as he opens the door and leaves.

I'm able to remove myself from my parents with hugs and good luck wishes and make my way outside to the car, Clary walking beside me, her hand finding mine.

I open the back door and crawl into the back seat, quietly open pulling on my seatbelt, and once I'm done, the car is being pulled out of the driveway. The whole ride there is silent and almost awkward, even Clary keeping quiet, though she has her headphones in.

And as we make our way towards school, I place my head against the window, trying my hardest not to cry, because I'm starting to think that maybe, Benny was right.

~~~~~~~~~~~
Who do you think is going to be the first to crack? What do you think is going on in Jason's mind right now?

Thoughts?

Comments?

QOTD: How is the book going for you so far?