Dirty Little Secret

Packing and Depression

Jason's POV

     It's been three days since my world fell apart.

    Three days once Nick told me that I wasn't enough.

     I thought that maybe things would stop hurting so much and that I would stop caring, but it only got worse as time went on.

     Every day as much as I try to avoid seeing them and hearing them, Nick and Nathan are everywhere. Their hands all over each other, the laughs and the touches and the smiles and the spending every moment of the day together. All I hear about is how cute the new couple is. How adorable they are. How happy they are.

     It's killing me.

     But I'm trying to be happy.

     Nick deserves to be happy with his boyfriend in public with out fear of what could come of it. He should be able to laugh and joke with his boyfriend and hold his hand in front of the school without them getting harassed or bullied. Nick deserves happiness. Even if it's not with me.

     While he's out with Nathan, I try my best to focus and begin putting everything together. Today is our last day here, the stars starting to come out in the sky.

     Early in the morning, we'll all be heading back home, and tomorrow back to school.

     I thought when the time came, I would be angry that we had to go home and be around our family every day. That we would have to stop being together like we wanted just to
go home.

      And here I am, impatient for it so I can be able to be alone, in the forest or wherever I
go, just so that I don't have to watch them be together all day every day. All I know now is pain.

    I shake my head and try to focus on the task at hand, putting all of my things in my suitcase and leaving my book bag unpacked for all morning stuff.

    Once everything is put away, I find myself sitting on the floor of the room, taking in the deep breath of Nick, his sweet soft smell flooding the room in a way thats mildly intoxicating. For a little bit I just sit there, not sure what Imm waiting for but enjoying the temporary quiet.

     After a few moment, I get up just in time as I hear soft footstep coming towards the door. It gets opened and Nick and I end up standing face to face.

     I look away, but being able to look into his eyes and see the reminder that I'm not enough. "Sorry. I was just packing my things." I tell him and there's a pause before there's an answer.

     "It's okay." He says and it seems like he's about to say something, but my hand is tight in my suitcase and I just want to reach out and grab him, and hold him to my chest and never let him go, especially not near that boy who somehow stole my runt away from me.

     Instead I flex my fingers around my suitcase before I go to walk past  him, and he doesn't stop me, only moving out of the way as I walk on.

     The door gets shut behind me after a few moments and I go back to the couch that I have been living on for the past few days. I pull out one of the blankets to lay on the cushions and lay a pillow along the length of the couch. Once it seems comfortable enough, I reach for the other blanket and drape it across my lap as I sit there, wishing that I was anywhere else but here.

   With a sigh, I lay down and after an hour of twisting and turning, I  finally go to sleep.

✨✨✨

     The morning is a flurry of movement, everyone in the building getting ready to head back home as the stars still twinkle outside.

    Just as I'm cleaning up the blankets on the couch as I wait to brush my teeth and pack up my book bag, Clary comes stumbling out of their room with a wide hawk and rubbing her eyes.

     "This is way too much movement at five o'clock in the morning." She complains and I can't help but chuckle as I grab my chance of clothes and head into her room to shower. Once I'm done, I enter the living room and find the door to Nicks room open.

    As he talks to our sister, I go through the room and make sure everything is picked and packed up.

    Grabbing everyone's bags and getting downstairs doesn't take long and we get to our buses that we were assigned. We all say goodbye and I watch as Nathan comes up to Nick in line and wraps his hand around his waste as if he owns him.

   And I guess in a way, he does.

    With a nudge from Luis, the two of us turn around and make our way to our own bus and get inside, making our way to the back instead of braving the middle like before.

    And as the buses drive off after they call out our names, all I can think about, it how I'm leaving the best memories of my life, behind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
It sucks to know what they don't know. And in case anyone is still confused on why Nick didn't tell Jason because he threatened to expose him. Nick has major anxiety and that prevents him from speaking up a lot in this book, even with Jason. So with his anxiety mixed with real fear and threats and his sensitivity to all of it, of course he's not going to tell Jason.

Thoughts?

Comments?

QOTD: Whats your favorite flavor of popcorn?