Dirty Little Secret

Home and Smothering

Nicolas' POV

   The bus ride going home is a lot longer than when we were going there.

    Instead of sitting next to Clary like I hope, I got stuck next to Nathan, the older boy sitting on the outside as I lean against the window, beyond tired.

    My body aches from all of my anxiety attacks and my mind feels like mush as I go throughout each day. And it all feels like a never ending cycle of pain and heart break.

    Every time I wake up to a cold bed, every day I see the pain in Jason's eyes.

    Everything hurts.

     It's all my fault.

     "You're quiet." Nathan tells me and I feel myself frown, wishing that I had it in me to get angry, but all am is an Omega. Someone who is only here for someone's satisfaction. Anger has never been in my vocabulary. But as the days go on, I finally begin to understand it.

      "Yes." I answer him, and his mouth thins out into a line but he doesn't say anything else, looking around as if expecting someone to hear him.

      "Why are you acting like this? You're supposed to be acting like before." He tells me, getting closer to me, and I close my eyes, wanting to cry, but almost completely sure that it would make this situation worse even if I can't control the way my voice shakes when I go to answer him.

      "Like what?"

      "Like before you let yourself be touched and defiled by your own brother. You used to be happy and giggle and smile. He ruined you. You're lucky I saved you." He tells me, his hand coming up to touch my leg and I want to throw up.

      "I'm not like before because I don't like you anymore. You're mean and you force me to be with you." I tell him and his smile turns into an angry frown.

      "I'm not forcing you to do anything. I gave you a choice and you made your decision. He sullied your brain with bullshit ideas. And I saved you. You need to be fucking grateful. You'll grow to love me." He says, his hand not moving and all I want to do is die.

    The rest of the ride is spent with my head leaning against the window, my sniffles loud and almost painful as I try to come to terms with the fact that this might be it. That now, I only belong to Nathan.

   When the buses all stop, Nathan's hands stay on my thigh as the rest of the bus gets off. I see Clary looks back at my seat as she passes us, but with a smile and wave from Nathan she's moving on with the rest of the group. Once the bus is mostly empty, Nathan turns to me, a glint  in his eyes that marks me want to whine and cry, shying away from him.

    "Don't let me find out that you tried to go behind my back, Nick. Meet me in front of your locker tomorrow." He tells me and I try to stop hi. 
   
     "B-but hes still my brother." I whisper, wanting any excuse to talk to Jace but before I can even take a breath, a hand is squeezing around my neck and I'm shoved against the window, Nathan's green eyes hard and wild.

     "You don't talk to him. Ever. You are mine now. I don't want him to get any fucking ideas. Now let's go."

    I sniffle as I try to breathe, and after a few seconds, he finally lets my neck go and I quietly struggle pull in some air, my breath shaky as a tear leaks down my cheeks.

    His hand slips into mine and he pulls me out of our seat and out of the bus until we're standing there waiting for our luggage. He turns to me, his back towards my siblings who are waiting in the parking lot. Nathan's hand comes up to wipe away my tears, a lying gentle smile on his face.

    "It's okay. I'll see you tomorrow. Don't cry." He says, and he leans forward and gives me a kiss that makes me feel more dirty than anything.

    Once my face is dry he finally lets me go and finds my suitcase and book bag before handing them to me.

    I struggle under the weight a little bit, but after one last warning glare, he runs my cheek and goes to make his way towarfs his own car, leaving me in the bus parking lot to make my way over to my family.

    With quiet sniffles, and aching neck and a head pounding for relief, I make my way over towarfs them, and find Luis leaning against the car with Jason.

     I struggle with my suitcase a little further, until the tow of them reach out and grab my things before putting them in the trunk for me, though neither of them comment on Nathan not helping me. I wish they would. I wish for once, Jason would break his promise.

     "You okay?" I turn and see Clary looking at me with a half smile and the tilt of her head.

      "I'm okay." I tell her and she smiles before opening the door for me in the back and I crawl in and lay my head against the window, staying like that after Jace and Clary get in.

   Once we get home, I'm only halfway there as my mom and dad talk to me and tell me how much they miss me. I don't care. I don't care about anything.

    I just want my Mate.

    I just want Jason.

~~~~~~~~~~
I think I'm going to sleep when I get home and then work in the morning. I'm so excited for my days off.

Thoughts?

Comments?

QOTD: What were you dream about?