Dirty Little Secret

Hiding and Arguments

Nicolas' POV

I watch with watery eyes as Jason closes the door, a few seconds later, I hear the back door being opened and closed, making me sink into myself on the floor once more.

Tears leak out of my eyes in waves and I can feel my body shake hard, wanting to follow Jason but wanting to run far far away.

Because Jason has always been my safe place, he's always been the sweetest brother and the funniest friend, and now I'm scared that the only reason he was is because he's my.... he's supposed to be my Mate.

I feel myself flinch at the words, a whimper falling from my lips at the thought, not wanting to think about it at all.

But I know I have to.

Jace looked so..... disgusted about it being me, as if something was dirty and wrong and horrid about me. I know that we are brothers and I'm scared too, but he looked at me as if he couldn't even stomach the idea of being with me.

He's going to reject me, and he's going to leave to find someone rhat doesn't make him want to run away and gag. He hates me.

My cries turn into sobs as I imagine the pain that Jason will give me by walking away, not only taking away my big brother, but now my Mate.

Maybe it is selfish of me to want him around, only because he's the person rhat always understood me.

But I know my skin still crawls at the idea of us being Mated, being anything more than the close brothers rhat we are, and the contrisicting emotions are making it hard to breath, my air not able to get into my body as I panic, my body shaking like a leaf on the pack lands, scared of life.

I hear Benny whimper, and I turn to him for support, surprised he's still here after all this time of just leaving me to deal with things on my own, needing his support right now.

I can't do this on my own.

He's gone.

My family can't know.

My chest feels like it's dying and I just need someone to tell me that things are going to be okay.

'Benny, what are we gonna do?' I whimper, tears falling into my mouth as I continue to cry, curling into a ball on the floor as I cover my head with my arms, trying to protect myself even though all the pain I'm going to feel is going to be on the inside. No amount of anything can save me from that.

I expect for him to answer me and to tell me his fears, but there's nothing from my wolf for a little bit until he finally speaks up, and for once, his voice isn't weak and scared but stronger and mad.

'This is your fault, Nicolas.' He tells me, and I flinch away from his voice, my own whimpers raising in my throat, surprise and fear running along with it.

'H-how?' I ask him, not understanding why he's talking about, but I can feel the blame he placed on my shoulders as I sniffle, trying my best to get off of the floor and go away before Jason comes back. I don't want to have to see that disgust in his eyes again.

'You don't listen. If you had just gone to him like I said, he wouldn't be mad and run away.' He tells me harshly and I shrink away from him.

'Benny, he didn't want us. We're his brother.' I try to explain to him and he growls at me, and even though it's not really loud like other wolves, it makes me jump and cry out because Benny has never growled at me. He's never been so mean.

'He is our Mate. And it's your fault he's gone.' He tells me before he disappears from my mind, creating a barrier between us and I feel like giving up.

I can barely push myself up on to my hands and knees, my body almost shaking too much to be able support me. But after a few minutes, I'm able to push myself up on to my feet, holding my torso as if it can help me from falling apart. I skiffle to myself as I walk towards the door, and go to leave but I stop myself.

I bite my lip as I look at the jacket hanging on the back of the door. This whole room smells like Jace, and I don't want to leave it behind, even though it makes me terrible and wrong .

I feel more tears falls down my face guiltily as I grab the jacket and exit the room, closing the door behind me and making my way to my own room next door. When I get inside I grab a pillow and my favorite blanket. My sniffles are loud in my room, almost echoing around me as I open my closet and crawl in to the floor space underneath the clothes on hangers and beside my shoes.

I lay the blanket on the floor, and my pillow on top of it before I wrap it around me, my pillow immediately getting tear stained as I comité to cry, this time silently as I lay there.

I pull Jason's jacket up to my nose and hold it there, softly breathing him in even if the action does make me shake form the force of my sobs even more, trying not to think about what I'm doing. And I fall asleep on the floor of my closet with a wolf that blames me, my brother thats my Mate, and a stolen jacket that hurts as much as it helps.

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God I love this book so much. I have some content planned for you this morning and I hope you like it all! I'm hoping I get off early tonight.

Thoughts?

Comments?

QOTD: Do you like peaches?