Dirty Little Secret

Byes and Struggling

Nicolas's POV

   "Can we talk about this when I'm not sick?" I ask Nathan, biting my lip, not sure what to say in the face of him confession.

     It's all too much for me in such a short time period.

      Jace, Ryan, Benny and now Nathan, and I can't handle something else when I feel so icky and gross. He adverts his eyes form mine and I feel like I want to cry because I know I'm being mean but I can't handle it right now. It makes me feel selfish.

     "Of course." He lives closer to me from the door and looks down at me with a look of apology. "I hope you get better. I'll see you at school on Monday. You have my number if you need it." He tells me, his hand coming down to touch my leg and I smile at him, my cheeks heating up before me smiles back and leaves, closing my door tightly behind him.

    I listen to him make his way downstairs and say into my bed when I hear him leave the house, the door being tightly shut.

     I feel very overwhelmed and very tired, but I miss Jace and I bite my lip as I wait for him, knowing he came upstairs a few minutes ago, but I don't hear any movement coming from his room and I feel sad that he might have went to sleep.

     'Go to him.' Benny tells me and I almost scream out in surprise, my heart almost giving out at the feeling of hearing another voice in my head again.

      'Are we okay?' I ask him, my lip wobbling impart relief and pry fear, hoping that Is not make him mad again so that he'll leave me. I hate being by myself and I miss having Benny with me even if we can't always get along.

      'Just go to him.' He repeats avoiding the question and I sigh as I go to leave the bed, tears threatening my vision gut before I can make a move, there's a knock on the door and I brush away the tears in my eyes before I turn towards the door.

      "Come in." I call out, biting the corner of my lip, expecting for it to be Jason but it's my mom, her hair and make up done as she comes in to coo over me for the millionth time today.

       "Hey baby. Me and your dad was going to go head out. Do you need us to stay home and take care of you because we will." She asks me, pressing the back of her hand to my forehead but I shake my head in denial. Since Clary is gone, maybe me and Jace can have some alone time with the house empty and the though gets me excited and even Benny who pushed at the constraints of our mental wall.

      "No, I'm okay. Have fun with your date." I tell her and while she doesn't look that convinced, I hear dad call for her downstairs and she sighs and joel's me cheek for a second before she finally goes.

      "Well alright u bu t call us if you need anything or if your brother isn't helping. I know he's not that sensitive to your Omega genes honey." She says and I try not to flinch at the name brothers.

     Even though I know it's true, it's still hard to think about the two titles within the same sentence without freaking myself out a little bit more.

      "We'll be okay." I promise her and she nods before she waved at me before leaving the room. She close the door all the way and I relax into the bed, feeling my red face not cooking down at all from the feeling of embarrassment and being creeped out yet against by the reality of my stupid situation.

     'Go to him.' Benny says and when I go to sit up, I what the door downstairs behind closed. And a few minutes later the car is being pulled out of the driveway.

    I lift the blanket off of my small body and I immediately start shivering even though I was hot only a few minutes ago. I shift and lok. whims me and find Jason's hoodie, smiling to myself as I slowly put it on. Once it's over my head I stand up, even as I cough. And I'm still able to giggle when I see the hoodie fits on me like a dress.

     With the sleeves hanging past my hands, I slowly make my way towards my door, sweaty lining my palms in nerves as I leave my room, my paranoia taking over my body.

    Because what if Clary is actuallly home. What if Mom and dad come back because they forgot something and they find me in Jason's room and they hate us because we're Mates even though we can't help it.

     My body begins to shut down on me and I can feel myself falling into a pani attacks but before I can get too far, Benny speaks up. 'They won't come back and Clary is going to a party. He's still our brother. There's nothing weird about two brothers being together.' He tells me his voice a little more confident than it once had been and I'm a little surprised at his help.

      I help myself up off the floor even though my breathing is a little uneven and stand in front of his door nervously.

      'Go to him. He will help you.' Benny says with one last push and with the last bit of confidence I have for the day, I place my hand in the knob and open the door.

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