Dirty Little Secret

Avoidance and Permission

Jason's POV

       It's been three days since I messed up to the extent that I did, and I know that I should want to take it back.

    But I don't.

    All I want to do is go next door to my brothers room and kiss him and hold him and let him scent me the way Omegas like to do. Spreading their scent all over you since they're not strong enough to fight.

     Even though I know it's wrong, it's all I can think about now as I sit on my bed, my head in my hands as I try to get three images out of my mind.

      The first one being the way Nathan had almost stole away a kiss that was meant to be mine. The boy obviously like Nick whether he knows it or not, but seeing someone else in the position that was literally made for me made me want to do things to that boy that I haven't thought about doing in months.

     I don't want him with someone else anymore. I don't want to hurt him either and that leaves both of us in an unfair position. I know it does. But I'm so fucking indecisive.

     This isn't just a normal mating.

     Nick isn't just a normal Omega.

     I'm not just a normal big brother.

     All of these things makes what the Moon Goddess is asking of us almost impossible.

     The second image that won't leave my mind alone is the look of Nicks face when I leaned back from the kiss, ready, expectant and waiting.

     He liked it. He wanted more.

      And the last picture, that's sticking with me beyond anything else, is the way that even after he realized what happened, even once he realized that I had kissed him, the only
emotion that was in his face was shock. There was no disgust. There was no anger, only shock.

     'You need to talk to him and see what he thinks about this instead of thinking that he only has the same emotions you do. He's an Omega wolf, even if you don't always treat him like one. He shouldn't be left alone.' Ryan tells me, and I groan as I flip back on the bed.

     'I know, Ryan, I know. I just.... How do I look him in his eyes and tell him how disgusted I feel with myself for wanting to fall into the Mate Bond?'

      There's silence between us for a few moments before he finally speaks up. 'Let me do it. I will talk to them.' He tells me and I frown.

     'You?'

     'Theyre my Mates too. And you don't have as much of a way with words as I do. And I already know what I want. Let me talk to him.' He says and I don't even think about it, just close my eyes and let my Conscious fall through my mind into the background.

✨✨✨

Ryan's POV

     I get up off of the bed, and walk towards my door, opening and closing it before I'm standing in front of Nick's next door.

    I lean against the small wall that separates our doors and knock softly.

    Though it's late it's not even eleven o'clock, friday nights always having been my favorite day of the week. I listen inside the room and while he doesn't move at first, after a few second hesitation, Nick shuffles towards the door to open it.

    When I look down I see his dirty blonde hair in disarray all over his head, his face drawn and sad.

     "Grab a jacket and some shoes." I tell him and he bites his lip, his eyes taking in the color of mine before he slips back into his room and comes back two minutes later ready to go.

     I lead the two of us downstairs and find Clary sitting at the island with a bowl of ice cream in hand. She looks up at us as we pass her. "Going for a run." I call out and she nods.

     We exit the house and I take in a deep breath before we walk towards the woods. And for the next thirty minutes we walk silently in the dark, not saying anything at all as we do so. When we finally get to the lake I had in mine, I walk over to a pile of rocks by the water, sitting down before Nick follows my movements.

     "Hey, runt." I greet him, my elbows on my knees as I turn to greet him. His eyes are on the water, but his ears are burning red.

     "Hi." He says back softly.

      "Are you okay?" I ask him and I can feel Jason listening but he doesn't say a word. Nick shakes his head no but I don't push him, and instead open up about the shit going on in our head. "We want to be your Mate. But Jason can't get over hurting you. He doesn't want to admit it, but the brother part doesn't bother him as much as it should." I explain and I can feel Jace's anger.

      'Stupid fucking wolf thinks he knows everything.' He grumbles but I chose to ignore him.

      "What do you think?" Nick asks me softly and I smile to myself.

      "I don't care. You and Benny are my Mates and I will fight our family, friends and anyone else who tries to say anything. But we can't stay away. We've tried. And we don't want you with anyone else. And I think I may have a plan." I tell him and I can feel both him and Jason tune into the conversation immediately and I pray that I don't fuck this up for all of us.

~~~~~~~~~~
I feel kind of 'ehhhhh' about this chapter. this week is going to be so painful. it always is. I just want to disappear but writing is keeping me afloat.

Thoughts?

Comments?

QOTD: what color is your lamp?