Memory Of Us

055

Princess's POV

My mother often tells me that no matter how agitated I am in a situation or how frightened I am by it, I should always stay calm. She told me that panicking wouldn't help me or the situation itself, and that it would, in fact, only make things worse. That I shouldn't let my emotions dominate me because I am in charge of them. It was extremely challenging, and it takes a long time of practice to be able to do it. And there are still moments where I want to forget all about it and just say what's actually in my head.

But words are too powerful and you can't take them back after you've said them. Wala ka ng ibang masasabi kundi iyong sorry na hindi naman na mapapawi yung sugat na nagawa mo sa kanila. They can forgive you, sure, but the wounds will remain in their heart. And whether you like it or not, they will remember you, too, as someone who has once given them pain.

As much as I want to scream, I remained silent while looking intently at Josh. I wanted to ask him what happened and blame him at the same time. But his clothes and hands were stained with blood, and his face was flushed, implying that he had been crying for some time.

He didn't want any of this to happen. I can't blame him, I shouldn't blame him.

Lumapit sa kanya si Yael at agad syang inalo nito. I couldn't help but shut my eyes as Josh sobbed even harder. Unti-unti kung anu-anu ang ideyang pumapasok sa isip ko kung paanong nangyari ito at nandito kami sa ganitong sitwasyon ngayon.

"Y-Yael.. i-it happened again," Rinig kong saad ni Josh sa pagitan ng mga iyak nya. 

"I-I can't lose Amanie, p-please.. A-Ayoko na maulit yon," I have no idea about what he was talking about, but I'm not that stupid to not notice that it was his trauma that's talking.

Mabigat ang bawat hakbang na ginawa ko sa paglapit sa pwesto nila. "Josh," Pagtawag ko sa kanya. Iniangat nya ang tingin nya sa akin at wala akong ibang nakita doon kundi ang takot at pag-aalala. I knelt in front of him and smiled reassuringly.

"It's not going to happen again, Josh. We all know Amanie, she's going to be.. f-fine. She's a fighter, remember?" Hindi sya sumagot, yumuko lamang sya at wala akong ibang magawa kundi ang pakinggan ang mga hikbi nya.

Tumingin sa akin si Yael at tumango. Ilang minuto pa ang lumipas bago tuluyang tumahimik sa pag-iyak si Josh. Hindi ko maalis ang tingin ko sa pinto ng ER, hindi ko alam kung ano na ang nangyayari kay Amanie sa loob. Sa bawat lalabas na nurse at doctor ay umaasa ako na may lalapit sa amin at sasabihin na ayos lang sya. 

But no one approached us. They're all running back and forth and it's making me anxious. Alam kong lalaban si Amanie, she's going to be fine.. Yael's right, she has to. Hindi nya kami pwede iwanan dito, ang bata nya pa for God's sake!

Napatingin ako sa kamay ko ng biglang may humawak doon at marahan iyong pinisil. Sinalubong ni Yael ang tingin ko. I bit my bottom lip and realized I was crying after Yael caressed my cheek. I know he's worried for Amanie, too, but he seems to be my and Josh's strength in this situation. 

"Did.. Did you tell them?" Bumaling ang tingin ko kay Josh ng marinig ko ang tanong nya. His eyes were still red, and like me he was just staring at the ER's door. Hoping that someone will finally approach and tell us that Amanie's fine.

"They're on their way, Josh.." Mahinang sagot ko sa kanya. I can't tell him that Tito Amer did not react at all when I told him about what happened. That will scare him dahil ganoon rin ang naramdaman ko. Tito Amer did not say any word nung sinabi ko sa kanya na naaksidente si Amanie, I could still hear the terror in his words despite his cool demeanor. Tinanong nya lang kung saan iyong hospital at pagkatapos non ay wala na sya sa linya.