the boys of harry potter imagines.

draco malfoy (part one.)

i laid my head to rest in my palm while sliding the food around on the plate before me glumly.
"everything alright, mate?"
theo nott asked,
taking a seat next to me.
i only nodded,
but lifted my head just enough to see you from across the way.
you seem normal.
perfect as you had always been.
you laughed with your friends and paid no mind to my obvious pain from afar.
i took in a deep breath,
reminding myself of the advice you once gave me,
and allowed myself to come back to reality.
the harsh reality where you and i were no longer together,
and i was forced to face the inevitable darkness that loomed over me whenever you weren't around.
"plan on making the qudditch team this year, nott?"
i asked,
feigning interest.
he knitted his eyebrows at my sudden question then stuttered a bit before answering,
"oh-uh-y-yeah."
everyone could see it too, then.
thank you, y/n.
your unreasonable explanation for breaking us up changed my demeanor as a whole.
the frustration began to build within me at the sudden thought of you,
yet again.
i pushed myself to my feet and stormed out of the great hall,
heading to the one place where i could find peace.
unfortunately for me,
i could never escape you.
or the memory of your lips to mine where i felt wanted,
or the way your hand would find its way to mine because you found security in me.
i think what i miss most is your support.
over all the hogwarts students in the stands at our qudditch games,
i could hear your voice loud and clear.
you'd be rooting for me,
and hexxing others who cursed me.
or when i'd ace a test i was sure to fail,
you'd hug me tight and tell me you knew i could do it.
and after a while,
i started to believe i could do it.
that my being here on this earth wasn't accidental,
and i was going to make monumental achievements.
you and i were completely in love.
which is why none of this makes sense to me.
do i regret every moment we shared?
do i wish i hadn't met you?
not even for a second.
i wish i could hate you, y/n, truly.
i wish it were easy for me to jinx you and push you out of my way as though you mean nothing to me.
but i can't.
even through all of this mayhem,
i still have hope you'll come back.
stupid, right?
draco malfoy having hope.
draco malfoy with a broken heart.
everything is backwards,
and i could curse you for it.
i just...can't.
as i look out over the black lake,
where you and i used to sit together after hours and talk,
i allow my mind to flood with all of these frustrating thoughts.
loving you had been nothing short of a thrilling experience.
you had showed me a life outside of my "spoiled, prejudice box."
or so you'd say.
and though i'm much too prideful to admit it aloud,
living that life with you had been everything i prayed for growing up.
we spent every waking moment together,
sometimes i thought we spent too much time together.
but as i now exhale,
hearing one breath instead of the usual two,
i realize we didn't get nearly enough time.
bitch.
i think harshly.
and i instantly regret even conjuring up such a thought.
i bury my head in my hands to shield me from the regret.
and i know if you were here right now i'd apologize for thinking it.
and as though you read my mind:
"hey. you okay?"
the sound of your voice was like music to my ears,
but it hurts now.
what was once a beautiful, light, melodic tune is now a dissonance and it makes me wince.
"fine."
you hand me a water bottle and a pastry that you knew to be my favorite.
i take it,
but avoid your eye because i knew if it were to meet them i'd crumble all over again.
"you didn't eat much."
"not hungry."
"you're always hungry for a pastry."
you laughed and took a seat next to me.
your perfume leaked it way into my lungs even though i tried so hard to stop it,
and i feel my heart break just a little more.
the silence suspends over us and it feels rather awkward,
but i know for you it's not.
you're just here,
enjoying the moonlight with your ex-boyfriend.
and how could that be awkward?
"draco?"
"yeah?"
"i'm sorry..."
i scoff but cover it with a chuckle,
then shake my head.
"don't. i don't need your pity, y/n."
"i know you don't. you never did. i just...i feel horrible."
i force my head to lift to meet your eyes.
and when i thought i'd regret it,
i find myself enjoying them like i had always done.
oddly enough,
it feels as though no time has passed between us.
your eyes are still bright with wonder and curiosity about the many things you don't know.
which, somehow, there are still things you don't know.
i chuckle at the thought,
and you tilt your head in interest.
"what?"
"remember when you dragged me to the library that one evening? and i told you it was unnecessary, because you already know everything. and you said knowledge is never complete?"
you giggled and nodded your head,
and i could see the memory replaying itself in your eyes.
"i do. you ended up having a great time in the library that day too, huh? found yourself loads of books on...what was it?"
"hippogriffs and why they should be eradicated."
you snickered and i couldn't help but laugh along with you.
and it was nice,
enjoying this laughter as one.
it just pained me to know it was going to end soon.
"you know, y/n, i'll still care for you."
"i do, too. and i'll care for you forever."
i nodded and looked back over the water,
watching as it laid still.
"i'll always love you, too. i just think...i just think it's the wrong time."
"what do you mean?"
"like..we're good together. so good together. but we still have a lot of growing up to do. just a..right person, wrong timing kind of thing."
this time i scoffed and didn't bother to hide it.
"that's bullshit, y/n. either it's the right person or not."
"not particularly. you'll see, draco. we'll find each other again one day."
i won't voice my faith in you.
but if it means waiting for eternity to have you again,
then i'll wait.