My Muse || READER X RAY || The Promised Neverland

💘 If I Could Tell Her || EXTRA 💘

Happy? Angry? Sad? I- I didn't know how to feel. She looked like a mess. She was drenched in blood. Cuts and wounds all over her body. I was supposed to protect these people. Yet I'm the one with the least scars. 

I've lost people before because I was weak. I wasn't strong enough to stop them or take their place on the battlefield. 

"Zack, you never smile."

"Zack, you're so good at this! Can you be our medic?"

"Zack's so good at shooting!"

"Zack be our leader! Protect us! We trust you."

You all said that, but your lives are in more danger than mine. Especially you, y/n. I think I'm a bit jealous of you. 

You were strong enough to push Nigel and Emma away. 

Strong enough to fight on your own. 

It takes courage to do that. But me? I fought alone because I was scared of making friends. I was scared of making bonds, friendships, and love. Even now, I'm scared of loving you. Because what if you had died? What would happen to me? You're everything, y/n. I wish I was more like you. 

You fight for others, while I fight for myself. I'm... just selfish. 

Forgive me, y/n. Forgive my selfishness. I downed a gulp of Pepe's sleeping medicine and kissed her, shoving it down her throat. I couldn't lose any more people. I couldn't lose you. Why are you looking at me like that? Why do you look so sad? Don't- Don't cry, y/n. It's all for you... I don't mind dying if it means you don't. "I'm sorry," I said, kissing her softly. In any other world, those punches would have hurt, but you're tired, sleepy, weak... dying... 

"You traitor!" y/n shouted, hugging me tightly. 

I'm sorry. I'd apologize a thousand times if you wanted me to. 

Should I start now? The demon kicked me into the air, punching my chest, sending me crashing into a wall. Everyone's screams. Their cries, their tears. At least it wasn't for their own. Dying... Is this what you felt like fighting Bayon? I didn't think I could admire you any more, y/n. But I do. 

This... This is a dream, right? Maybe I'm already dead. "You can't be here... I told that boy to keep you away from the battle." Then I saw him behind you, looking at you like you were everything in the world. God damn it- I guess I have to live. But let me take a nap... Don't... Don't die, y/n. Wait for me, please. 

Forgive me, for everything I've done today. 

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guys pls develop second lead syndrome for zack bc i did

im so sad why do i do this to myself

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