broken wings

chapter 6 his favorite torture device

questions kept crossing my mind causing me not to be able to close my eyes and get some sleep. I've always have struggled with this, pretty much if I don't get knocked out I barely sleep. its pretty sick to be honest. 

I always thought everything had a reason but still to this day I haven't found the reason why I have this kind of parent, why I can't seem to let him go. I've always been a daddy girl he was my hero but then he turned into the person he was supposed to protect me from, a maniac, a pedophile, an abuser and a rapist. he's a sadistic monster. but then still I keep hoping he will be sober for just one moment, but then again, dreams never come true right? 

I looked at my clock to see it was only 4 am, turning around again knowing that id probably be restless at school today wasn't making me any happier. 

school, I would see him again. I still want to know what he meant. his words kept ringing in my mind trying to find any explanations for what he said. I feel like he can read me too easily, i'm not used to people thinking something would be wrong. maybe having friends won't do me that much of a favor. 

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after school I crashed on my bed being tired, my dad wasn't home yet with I was glad for. it was Friday so I didn't need to go to school for 2 days, I don't really know or that makes me happy or sad. I mean I need to be home for 2 days straight but I always could just go outside its not that big of a deal. at least I won't need to see Ryder, he wasn't at school today what confused me but I was glad and upset at the same time. 

I got up from my bed again going down to the kitchen and starting to prepare dinner knowing my father would want it when he got home. not like I had a clue when he was going to be home, and then he would have the guts to get mad at me for his dinner to be cold or for it not to be ready. the dude is genially ridicules. 

after I was done making macaroni I putted it on a plate, I was happy that the door open knowing that this would cause me one punch less. " hey princess, I see my food is ready now I want you to get my desert ready so go shower and then go wait on me on the mattress. naked. on all fours. " he kissed my cheek and grabbed my tit after that and went to go eat. 

" oh and don't forget to put the blindfold on and to keep the door open so you don't know when I come, I like to surprise you baby. " I nodded upstairs to the shower but before I closed the bathroom door I still heard him scream " oh and this food is disgusting, you'll regret serving me that. " 

turning the shower on I forced my eyes closed to keep the tears from falling, I always make it like that and he alway comments on how bad it is, but when his friends come over he forces me to make it. so he likes it, he just uses it as an excuse. like always. 

stepping in the shower feeling all the cuts and whips he put on me sting. when I was ready I stepped out of it and walked down in a towel, and yes I did shave. if I don't he only gets mad. like he said I quote ' I like little girls, and little girls don't have hairs ' he's disgusting he truly is. 

I kept my towel on and put the blindfold over my eyes, I never went on all fours or took the towel of, its something I always said to myself. ' you will not undress urself for someone you don't want to undress for ' so I don't, even tho I know it will bring me in trouble. 

I felt myself being yanked up by my hair so I was standing straight and felt a sting on my right cheek. " what did I say, are you still 2 or something? cant even undress herself pathetic. " he spat at me. 

" no daddy " I said in a mocking voice. " at 2 I was still a virgin and you weren't a rapist! " I spat at him this time. 

" well thats where you are wrong baby, how do you think you were made. " he said while pushing me to the ground and hitting me as hard as he could. 

he raped mom? did she know what he was doing before I said it, is that the reason she wasn't chocked when I told her? 

still I couldn't see a thing, nothing because of this stupid blindfold. he stopped punching, hitting and kicking me. when he stopped I realized my towel fell off while he was doing all of that.

 I heard him rustle with some stuff, probably one of his torture devices. me still trying to catch my breath and him trying to find whatever, 

it got quite, but before I could even proces that I felt a hard blow to my shoulder, it was definitely the baseball-bat, oh how he loves this one. 

after being beaten with a baseball-bat for around 20 minutes I heard him drop the bat and felt the blindfold being ripped off off me. he pushed me on the mattress while I felt my body getting sorer by the second. I wasn't gonna be able to fight him off, not like I ever succeeded anyway. 

his hands roamed my body while he was stroking his, you know, " oh baby you are going to moan for me right? scream my name, pathetic whore. " he slapped me across the face and forced my legs open, " plea- " his hand covers my mouth " shut the fuck up, daddy, daddy is the only thing I want to hear; " he removed his hand again. I started to struggle as hard as my worn out body could, every movement hurt, every place he put his dirty hands ached at being clean. 

feeling a terrible pain in my lower abounded made me break down again, I couldn't fight anymore I just kept crying while he had his way with me. remembering every time he did this to me, my 3 year old self just wanting to have a birthday present and company from her hero later on not being able to walk being confused why daddy did what he did, but still she believed those manipulative word. the worst part was that she still believed it, she still believed that maybe he would change one day. 

i don't remember when I blacked out or how but I did and what he did to me while I was asleep would probably give me even more pain for when I wake up.