its always been a struggle to keep up with things for me, whether it was grades or my health there was always something that just didn't want to work.
dark thoughts and needs rushed trough my mind, it was bad yes but I had no way to control it. after school I came home to my father being here already, he got of early. he wasn't mad at me or drunk/high. it confused me, there is always a calm before the storm, I just hope it wasn't anything more then a small thunderstorm.
I lived for the moments where he was nice and was like the dad that I wanted, so right now I was on the couch with him and watching a movie, I know you probably think that is ridicules. that I trust and care for him? it's weird but my hope just always keeps living for him, maybe he manipulated me into being like this or I am just naive. probably both.
the way he cooked dinner tonight for us and he let me eat in his presence just made me happy, how we were cuddling on the couch watching a Disney movie, it was how it was supposed to be.
if he isn't drunk or high he doesn't remember what he did to me, or he just doesn't want to admit it, which ever it is doesn't really matter, I'm just glad I can have the person I wish he was with me for a second, even if it didn't mean anything to him.
this was a good moment to ask right, about Saturday? so I did and took the chance, I asked.
" dad? " I know I called him dad but he's not drunk so " yes doll? "
" I wanted to ask you something " he looked at me and nodded. " so I made a few friends and they asked or I could go to their sleepover on Saturday, can I please ? " he kept quiet for a second and it made me terrified for obvious reasons.
" okay, but I expect you to behave princess " I nodded " I will, thank you " and kissed he's cheek, he smiled at me and we finished the movie. but because of the lack of sleep I have had in my entire life I didn't reach the end of the movie, darkness consumed me right before Ariel had gotten her legs.
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Friday
lunch period
" yes we will " " no you wont babe " " we will wont we Zz ? " I looked between Ashton and Emily. " I don't kn- " " see we will Ashyboo " " you wont put make-up on my face Emyboo "
believe me this went on for about another 10 minutes until Ashton said fine, to Emily doing his make-up on Amys sleepover. " you're joining me tho, all the boys are "
" fine " " don't really care, just make me match with my boo "
" no ashton, you decided to get a girlfriend not me " " c'mon Ryder, for me? Zina will do your makeup "
" I don't even know ho- " " yes you do " Ashton cut me off.
" fine but I'm not looking like an orange " everyone turned to Amy, " what ? I don't look like an or- " " no worries Am " Emily said giving her a calming smile.
" so did you ask little one ? " " yeah I did Xav "
" oooohhhh I got a nickname befo- " " can you ? " I nodded towards Cody with a smile. maybe Saturday wasn't going to be as bad because now I had permission.
" guys don't forget your chargers like last time, I'm not waiting an hour to use my own charger again " everyone nodded at Amy , I didn't because I mean I don't use my phone.
" Emy i will pick you up around 3:45 PM okay babe? " Ashton said, she nodded and then Xavier spoke, " if you need a drive little one then you can say it, because you cant drive and walking is like above an hour. " " yeah we will take you with us, I mean you live on our street "
" thank you but I can walk I don't want to bother yo- wait how do you know where I live? "
" ooh uh, I mean - Ryder, it was Ryder, he told us where he dropped you off so that if you needed help a time we would be there, right Ryder? " Xavier said in a rushed tone, Ryder nodded. I just nodded too even tho I don't really believe it. " so at 3:35 PM ish we will leave " I nodded again not really wanting the lift, but its not like they would leave me a choice. Ryder and Cody were going with their car, so they didn't need a lift.
lunch just went on about the sleepover and how 'fun' it was going to be, nothing too spectacular was told so I didn't really pay attention to anyone, " you okay " Ryder whispered in my ear. it kind of startled me but I tried to hide it and nodded with a smile while looking up at him. he smiled back and grabbed my hand squeezing it once in a while, it made me nervous but it gave me comfort.
I felt a nudge in my waist and looked at Emily with a confused look, she winked at me and after that looked at me and Ryders hands. I blushed and looked away only to hear her give a small giggle. Ryder continued playing with my hand and started playing with the end of my bandage that was still on my hand, I mean it hasn't gotten any better. I pulled my hand away not wanting to risk him seeing the wound. he looked at me but I kept facing my lap, I just could risk it this much.
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Saturday
3PM
I just finished packing my bag and rechecked that I had everything.
emergency pads and tampons ✔️
long sleeved and pants pajamas ✔️
extra sweater ✔️
first aid kit with painkillers ✔️
100% phone for if dad calls ✔️
toileteries ✔️
... ✔️
i had everything I needed, at least what I really NEED, I put everything back in my bag and went downstairs, my father didn't come home yesterday and is still not home, so he will probably not be back until Monday.
did I feel at risk ? for sure but it's not like I can turn back now, and maybe this will do me good.
i ate something and drank to then look at the time, it's 3:20 PM now so I just went and played on the couch until the time turned to 30.
I put my shoes on and put on my jacket and checked my bandages again, I picked up my bag and walked out of the door.
i sat at the front porch until I saw Xavier and Ashton come out of the house, Xavier waved me over so I went to them. he gave me a hug and I turned to Ashton but he was talking to a taller version of himself. someone in their mid twenties I think.
" Z is here Ashton, Mason this is Zina, the girl that was new, Z this is my brother Mason "
" hi love " he said to me with a smile and I whispered a " hi " back. he turned back to Ashton and started talking about the no alcohol and drugs. he then turned towards us and said " same goes for you Xavi, both of you have fun yeah, you too love " he said with a smile and went back inside.
" hey darl " Ashton said. we went in their car and started our journey to now Emilys house.
when we got their Xavier went out of the passenger seat and came towards the backseat next to me. Emily went and sat in Xaviers previous seat. she said hi to Ashton and gave him a bit too long of a kiss. she then turned towards Xavier and said hi and eventually towards me. " hi sweets " " hi Emily " I said back.
Now we started the real journey, the journey I was kind off scared to make and face but right now it was too late to change my choices, but how I wished I still tried right now, I have more of a chance now then when I am there but I didn't know that I would need it.
YOU ARE READING
broken wings
Non-Fictiondeep down everyone has secrets , deep down everyone is in pain. some people are just better at hiding it or feel like pain is okay. a girl who seems happy and a guy who can read her like a book pass ways just In this book. tears and joy ,cries and h...
