broken wings

chapter 37 unwanted

it was dinner time, and the tension between me and Ryder was clearly in the air. both Julia and Cody were eyeing us both with confused looks but neither if us answered their unasked question.

I mean what was I supposed to say? your son kissed me and then ran away after you yelled you were home, I think that he is mad at me or that I am good good enough for him. how could I tell her that in a normal way?

I can't that's the thing.

we just sat in silence and ate our chicken tenders and mashed potatoes in a tense atmosphere.

" uhm so kids Bellamy is coming over for dinner tonight, he was the officer sweetie. " I nodded at her and both Cody and Ryder smiled clearly being glad that their older brother was coming over for dinner. " I am making his favorite too so I will be home later tomorrow to go to the shop "

we ate farther until all of us were done, she excused everyone but after that called out for a second " Zina can you stay back here for a while ? "

" alright Julia " I sat back down but the look Ryder gave his mum didn't go unnoticed by me, it was a look warning her clearly knowing what his mother was about to say to me was about him and the tension.

when they both had left she closed the kitchen door and sat in the seat opposite of me, she smiled at me before starting to talk to me.

" I don't know what Ryder did darling but I know he didn't mean it in a bad way unless he did something terrible it was probably just a misunderstanding " she said with an apologetic smile.

" ma'am me and him are fine there isn't an-" " and sweetheart I am not blind " she cut me off.

" look love I am his mother and I have know him even before he was born, I know what his looks mean and I know his weird ways of hiding stuff, his habits, I know all of them. but I didn't know the one that you made me see on him. "

" the way he looks at you is different then from any other person, I was confused at first when he told me about the new girl who he first had met at the airport. I was confused because he had that look, the happy yet worried and also amazed look, so much more was even in that one look. "

" the look he had one his face tonight was guilt, so I know he was at fault but I don't know why. now I am not saying you should tell me but I am here to listen to you. not like his mum but like your caregiver right now. was it something really bad he did ? " she questioned me

was it something really bad? to be honest no, he just confused me. rather that is a good thing or not is a question too, but it is not like he killed me or something, I am just worrying to much and if what his mum said was right then he is feeling too guilty for what he did. it hurt and confused me but it wasn't something terrible.

" no he just confused me with his actions " I said to her not wanting to go in detail, because truly I didn't even understand the situation myself completely.

" then he didn't mean to hurt you sweetheart, his look said that, he regrets it. can you do something for me? " she smiled at me. I nodded at her wanting her to continue.

" please make it better with him or at least make the tension less for tomorrow night? my son doesn't come very often and I would like for the time he comes to be a happy time for everyone "

" i will Julia " I smiled at her, she smiled back at me and whispered " thank you "

" you can go now darling "

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it was currently morning and I was walking down for breakfast, yes I know I haven't talked to him yet but I don't really know how to start the conversation maybe if I just act like there isn't anything wrong it will fix things too? maybe, maybe not i'll see.

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lunch period has just started and I pack my stuff and go towards the canteen. I reach and I sit down on our table waiting on the others since I was the first to reach, I grabbed my lunch out of my bag that Julia had made me, I started eating it being very hungry at this moment.

I heard a bag drop next to me and Emily sets herself down taking her own lunch and starting to eat. " the boys are at PE still, Ashton texted me the teacher held them back to clean. " she said rolling her eyes, I nodded at her understanding that the PE teacher can be an asshole sometimes.

" look I am not going to go around the bush right now, I want to know answers and no I wont force it on you but we kind of deserve at least a bit of an explanation " I looked up at her with a worried look, not because I was worried for her, no but I was worried that she do would force me.

" this is going to sound rough but I didn't punch Amy in the face for being a bitch to you if I am then going to be kept in the dark by you. " she said to me having a slight sign of tears in her eyes.

" Emy I just don't know how I wo- " fear laced in my voice

" it's fine Z, I told you I won't force you, just one thing, the week you were gone? where were you " she asked me

I decided to give her a half lie, because it really was a half lie " at a family friend " I mumbled towards her. " A family friend ? " I nodded at her and she raised her eyebrow and spoke with slight anger in her voice " a family friend wouldn't have made you look like that Zina, where were yo- "

" hey sorry we got held back " Cody said sitting down on the table cutting off Emily. I smiled at him while Emily told him it was fine and that Ashton had already informed her.

I felt pressured my Emily at this moment and as much as I knew that weren't her intentions I couldn't just shut those emotions off. the anger yet worried tone she held while speaking to me were obvious not out of happiness, the way she spoke about Amy made me think that she regretted punching her. not that that would be a bad thing but I didn't want to be the blame of that, I didn't want to be the blame of someone's pain or regret. it's not like I asked her to punch her, she decided that herself but I felt like she had put the blame on me with the words she just had spoke. but then again I could just be overthinking.

they were all In conversations but I just didn't feel like getting in one myself right now, I needed to know how to fix things with Ryder and maybe even lessen things with me and Emily since she clearly felt tense by the situation going on. I looked up and had a glimpse of eye contact with Ryder but he looked straight away probably not wanting to have anything to do with me.

no one tried to talk to me at lunch and as much as that was probably unintentionally it didn't mean that it didn't hurt, I felt kind off unwanted right now but I have had a lot of pressure on me the last few weeks and I guess it is now starting to work on me, so when the bell rang I didn't waste a second.

I didn't feel comfortable sitting at that table right now so I wasn't going to sit there longer as needed even if I was being overdramatic.

so I packed everything and left to my next class