broken wings

chapter 48 3 AM

my head was killing me, I felt hot, normally this room is never this warm. I opened my eyes and looked in front of me, 3 AM. why was I awake and when did I even go to sleep? and why does it feel like something is holding me down? 

I looked at my waist to see an arm around it making my last question very clear, I pushed the arm off of me and jumped off of the bed. why was someones arm on me? was everything a dream? was someone trying to hurt me? 

those were the questions that now ran trough my head, I felt panic due to someone touching me, someone that I never asked to sleep In the bed with me, not that I would ask anyone either way. 

the person on the bed sat up right from what I heard of movement, I think they sat on the end of the bed. " love ? what's wrong? " I looked up relieved that it was only him, it was only Ryder. 

I mean not only because Ryder is perfect, someone that I loved and cared about, someone that made me feel safe and protected, but his voice reminded me off what happened during the day, or well yesterday. 

the way I panicked, was she thinking I was a creep? I know he didn't want to hurt me since he stopped straight away but I cant control my panic, I wish I could have because I don't want to lose him, him, my only safe space. 

" it's just me sweetheart. " he said while now removing himself off of the bed and crouching down in front of me. he reached out with his hands to hold both of my cheeks. 

i rested in his hold, feeling the warmth of earlier in the bed again, I felt myself calling down and I think he noticed since he removed his hands. but he placed them around me again not even seconds later, he was embracing me. my head was now pressed to his chest and he gave me a kiss on my forehead. " I am so sorry love, I will be honest with you that I don't exactly know what I am sorry for, but I am sorry for whatever made you scared. I know you didn't want to go farther and thats okay you could have told me" 

I looked up at him and he was looking down at me, I looked back down only to snuggle my head in the crook of his neck right now, I needed his warmth and comfort, yes his words helped too but all I needed right now was his touch. " I love you " I whispered against his neck. 

" I love you too love, I am here for you " he kissed the top of my head again. " now let's get you to bed again, my mum said you would need it after panicking. " I nodded against him and I felt him put one of his arms underneath my legs while the other stayed around my back. he picked me up and then placed me into the bed, bringing the blanket up the my neck and again kissing me on my forehead. " goodnight love " 

" goodnight RyRy " 

he went and moved away from my bed " y-you can stay, if you w-want at least " I whispered to him, not really wanting him to leave. " are you sure love I don't want you to panic again " he said to me with concern. 

" i wont, I just want to be hold by you right now please ? " I asked him, ill admit I sounded desperate, but I am, I will always be for him. he nodded whispering " of course love "; 

he crawled underneath the blanket with me and brought his arm around my waist pulling me closer to him, I laid my head on his chest and closed my eyes. " sweet dreams love " 

I haven't had those in ages, hopefully you can make them come and then also come true. 

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" you okay sweetie ? " Julia asked me when I walked into the kitchen. 

i woke up alone in bed today, I don't know why Ryder left and i hoped I didn't do anything wrong last night, maybe he changed his mind? maybe I am too pushy? I don't know but it worried me. 

" yes I am alright " I smiled at her. " you gave us quite the scare yesterday, especially Ryder and Cody didn't make that better since he kept blaming Ryder. " Julia stated at me, " I am sorry " I apologized for getting the whole household in a scare. " don't apologize darling, but if you want to talk about it you can " I smiled at her but didn't take her up for the opportunity she gave me. 

I couldn't just tell her I panicked because I was being sexual with her son and he then called me princess which is the name my dad called me and I panicked because of that because he abuses me and rapes me. 

I mean that wouldn't really be a good picture would it? 

she had breakfast ready and gave me a plate, I thanked her before she started talking again. " I am now heading off, when Ryder gets back tell him it is in the fridge please, he should be back in half an hour since he just went to drop off Cody " she gave me a kiss on the cheek before walking out of the house. 

it made me happy that Ryder didn't just leave, he left with a reason. that reason being his brother and I think that is a quite good reason. 

i ate my food and waited until he came home, not because I was clingy. just because I wanted to see him and hug him and kiss him. 

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" good morning love " he said walking into the kitchen and kissing my cheek. " good morning " I said back to him. I smiled at him when he sat down next to me. " breakfast is in the fridge " I told him and he nodded and went to take out his pancakes. he served them and started eating them while I just sat there sipping my orange juice. 

" sorry I left, but I told Cody yesterday that I would drop him off so he didn't need to walk " he explained to me " its alright you don't need to explain. " he smiled at me. 

" are you feeling better today " I nodded at him and he said " that's good, we could watch movies after I am done " I nodded at him whispering " sounds good " 

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after he was done with his breakfast he put on a movie, we cuddled the whole time and we even kissed but he didn't really become touchy, probably due to yesterdays reaction of me. maybe I even was glad that he didn't pressure me into doing more, I would go slightly farther then kissing willingly but not a lot and I didn't want to make him hurt me. 

I should be glad that he didn't force me anything yesterday since I did make him be like that, it was rude of me to leave him hanging like that, if my dad would know about that he would personally force me to have sex with Ryder. 

Ryder gave me an extra chance and I better not fuck it up, because he wont keep it in himself for every single time. but then again I trust him would he really do that, is it really normal ?