broken wings

chapter 51 what did she send ?

after a while I decided that I should just go to bed, it was just 2 o'clock but I was upset and tired, I wanted to sleep in Ryders arms but I couldn't, right now I wouldn't be able to close an eye with the words he said, and his tone.

I mean he didn't want me in his business, maybe I should just stay away from him so he couldn't be more mad at me, so I could piss him off. I didn't want to make him mad, not at me.

I laid down on my bed, again staring at my ceiling but this times with bad thoughts, did I hear Cody and Julia appears at my door at dinner time asking where I was and even trying to open my door only to realize it was locked ? yes, but I didn't care at the moment, I don't want to be with him now, I just want to sleep, even iff to will take again because I am restless

am I being over dramatic ?

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it is Monday morning and I am getting ready for school, my bones aching with pain, I didn't take any pain medication yesterday due to me not wanting to face Ryder, I am in pain, but to be honest I didn't feel like being in the same car to school, at least Cody was there.

i walked downstairs and started eating breakfast with my shoes already on and my backpack ready. Cody had sat down in front of me and mouthed to me ' are you okay ? ' I nodded to him not wanting to admit that I probably was just being over dramatic, but I was scared that Ryder was hiding something big, something that could really hurt me.

I heard footsteps entering the kitchen and I knew that the only person that could be is Ryder since Julia leaves early on Mondays most of the time. he didn't say anything and neither did I or Cody we just sat in silence eating breakfast, I was the first one done since I started first and decided to already pick my jacked and sit ready to leave, after Cody was done he did the same, us both now waiting on Ryder like little children.

Ryder eventually started getting ready himself and went outside causing us to follow him. Cody looked at me and then the front seat, trying to ask me if I wanted to sit there probably sensing the tension between me and Ryder, I shook my head no, and went to the backseat while Cody sat in the front.

the ride was the same, when we arrived at school I left the car as soon as we were parked but I didn't leave the parking lot until I saw Cody slap Ryder up the head, and saying something to him that looked to be mad, while Ryder just stood there looking guilty.

i walked into school starting my fist lesson and trying to keep myself from people until lunch.

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" Zz you are back! " Emily said hugging me excitedly, I wasn't planning to sit with them but I dint have much of a choice since she started pulling me towards their table.

" hey girls " Ashton said kissing Emilys cheek and smiling at me. " oh Zz is back, hey Emily hey little one " Xavier said looking at me with a smirk because he just called me that again.

" hey " Cody just stated normally, " hey guys " I said to everyone, " where were you ? " Ashton asked , on the front porch ? " I just had a cold " I said to him with a smile. he nodded and smiled back. everyone started eating their lunch, but I didn't miss Codys small glare my way for lying so easily.

everyone was talking until Xavier gasped a little making all of us look at the direction he was looking. oh yeah did I tell you guys that Ryder still hadn't appeared ? why? because he is walking into the canteen with Amy, hand in hand.

he walked to the table that Amy recently started sitting at after our group pretty much pushed her out, Justins table. is he really sitting with the boys he tried protecting me from? was this all set up? I don't know what his facial expressions where like, I couldn't read him like I mostly could, but Amy looked happy, she looked our way and smirked at me, so did Justin and his minions. she signed to her phone while now looking in Emilys direction.

I turned away from her and stared in front of me again, her? she stole him? did he love her? is that why he wanted me to stay out of his business?

" what did she send ? " Ashton asked Emily since we all saw Amy do the signs too Emily.

" I'll look " Emily said, I looked down at my lunch but I could feel almost everyones stare on me. especially Cody's. I felt someone grab my hand and give it a squeeze, the only persons that could be where Emily and Xavier but Emi was too busy looking at her messages so I knew it was Xavier.

I just squeezed his hand back telling him that it was okay, I mean what could I do, everyone saw that we liked each other, but apparently I was the only one who really meant it even trough all my fears and traumas. I pulled my hadn't away not really wanting to feel psychical contact right now, I actually wanted to leave this room, I wanted to stop hearing Amys giggles from across the room. but that would make a scene.

" what is it ? " Cody asked after he saw both Ashton and Emily look shocked to her phone

" I thought he ha-hated her, especially after the incident at her house " Emily said looking at Ashton. " thats what he told me " Ashton said back to her. " then why would he - " " there Is something behind it he wouldn't do that with her " Ashton whispered, looking over at me for a second when he said 'her' to Emily not wanting the others to hear but we did, I did.

" i am not defending him right now, not at all " Emily said.

Xavier pulled the phone out of Emilys hands and replayed the sent video, making Ryders back appear, kissing sounds being played off while Amys hands ran trough his hair. the same way we were being not even 48 hours ago.

Emily pulled me into a hug but I decided to push her away from me, I packed my stuff and now I did make a scene, walking out of the canteen, but not without sparing both Amy and Ryder a glance seeing both of them look my way, even Justins group.

they looked at me with smirks,

looking me up and down trying to make me uncomfortable.

Ryder looked at me with an unreadable look

do i even have the right to be jealous or mad? I mean we were never even together? he never meant it. he never meant us.

Amy smirking with a daring look while mouthing to me " mine "

am I yours or is he? because you confuse me Amy.

but why does it matter I mean...

she won

she has him now

the boy I loved and trusted

the one I nearly told my secrets to

the one I live with, his mum does everything for me

what the hell am I supposed to do? I mean I lost him, to her.

she fucking won.

again.