they were just kids [draco malfoy]

Year 5 - 96

Draco Malfoy hated himself.

He always had a tad bit but now the hatred had reached a new high.

He had come back to his room unable to look at himself in the mirror.

Draco Malfoy was a disappointment.

He had always been a tad bit but when his father would find out what he had done he would become a disappointment unable to ever become less of one.

Draco Malfoy had kissed Astrid Ninomae and he hadn't hated a single second of it.

He wished for the kiss to have been awkward or sloppy. He wished they would've butted heads or the girl had had a bad breath. He wished it could've been in any way unpleasant. 

But it hadn't.

It hadn't and the boy couldn't get it out of his mind.

Draco Malfoy hated Astrid Ninomae. Now more so than ever, simply for the fact that he didn't hate her at all.

He was a pureblood. She was a half-mudblood. He had been taught to hate people like her since he had been a child. He should've hated her and her kind. 

But he didn't.

Draco Malfoy wanted to convince himself he was only imagining things for he hadn't snogged anyone in a long while.

He knew that was a lie. One couldn't smell Amortenia incorrectly.

Draco Malfoy hated himself and he wished for his thoughts to be different.

But they weren't.

So Draco did the next best thing. The boy simply pretended to be what he hoped would be true all along.

He smacked her books out of her hands. He called her a dirty mudblood. He put out his leg for her to trip over when she walked by and he sneered whenever he noticed the smallest thing he could dislike about her appearance.

Draco Malfoy hoped that doing that would help convince his subconscious that that was what was right.

He was failing.

Terribly...

Astrid Ninomae was annoyed.

She wanted to keep her mind open but it was terribly hard not to hate Malfoy when he kept bugging her the way he did.

She had long decided she would not let her dad's opinions affect hers and would do as her subconscious told her - she'd draw her own conclusions about everything and everyone.

Astrid Ninomae was confused.

Because from one side she did hate Malfoy. He caused anger and irritation. But then there was that other part of her that turned all jittery whenever he came a little too close (something she hadn't ever felt with Mike) and that kept replaying the sensation of kissing the lad, constantly demanding for a repeat of that.

It was ridiculous and she could only laugh to herself when she began to understand why exactly Parkinson had been so reluctant in letting the boy go. It was nearly impossible to quit thinking about it when he kissed like that.

Astrid Ninomae had never craved much for human touch.

She didn't want it all that much. She didn't care. But Malfoy had brought some kind of a change she couldn't quite place.

Astrid Ninomae was no fool.

She had liked the kiss but she would not go and lose her dignity over it.