moon [k.nj + k.sj]

14. B r e a k i n g

(Warning: Mature Language)

Seokjin's point of view:

I banged closed the door as I opened my shoes and walked in to see Tae sitting on the couch looking at me, with...this bearded man who was supposed to be my dad near the window and this woman, my mum sitting on the opposite couch. Two people who when I needed them the most, disappeared leaving me with my brother and me myself alone. I didn't need this right now.

I wanted to laugh on seeing them, or rather I didn't know what to do at all, I didn't even want to come but leaving Tae alone in this situation, leaving a person when they need me is not what I do. I leaned against the wall directly opposite to "dad" as I glared at them. 

My parents didn't have the sweetest relationship, or rather quite leaned on the horrible side, they'd fight everyday, dad would come back home drank, fights again, sometimes either disappeared for days. Tae and I used to hide  inside the closet when they yelled. When we were small and they both wouldn't be there, I made us food, that's how I learned to cook. When we started to grow up a bit, mom said she will be going out for a few days, and I waited, four days, a week, three weeks, two months, a year, she never came back. Quite reasonable on her part, running away and leaving this hell was a wise choice, for her, to leave her children in the hands of their drunkard, irresponsible father wasn't. And then dad started to bring people home, but then sometimes that was still better, him bringing himself back was a stress, he would drink all day, go around. Tae was scared, so was I but I couldn't show it to him, he needed his hyung. He had school meetings, competitions, concerts, where families were invited, I went of course, for me...no one knew what was happening in my life. A year later, dad didn't come back either. I didn't wait for him, it was like neither was there ever. I was alone, always, but I had to be there for Tae. 

Now, when I have a job, a better life, they come back. How fucking lovely.

"Seokjin-" Dad said looking at as he walked up to me trying to cup my face, I snapped of his face turning away, "Just say what you want." I said looking down, I totally was not down for any fucking family-family, son-dad talks or bonding. He sighed, "I realize I was hor-" I cut him, "Just what you want. I know what you were." It was not a game of 'I'm sorry forgive me', I got up every morning making myself believe they don't exist so now I don't explanations anymore. I have forgiven them, and forgotten too, so I had no interest in building on a new "healthy" relationship, after 25 years, that wasn't possible.

"Your mum and I...are back together." He said, he wasn't looking at me, "Congratulations, what do you want me to do about it?" I said, my arms crossed against my chest. Mum spoke up from behind, "Seokjin, we are sorry..." I scoffed, "Apology accepted." I said smiling as I sat down beside Tae. "So...how have you been?" She asked, Tae was completely on mute,was he scared, he was scared since he was little, I crossed my legs, "Exceptionally good without you guys." 

"We are trying to talk, can you just give us a chance and talk to us properly??"Dad said raising his voice, I stood up, "Well I don't know, can I? I'm not sorry, I can't. I didn't ask you try, because if you keep on trying, it's not going to get better." 

"Okay then  I will come right to point." He said. 

"Of course that's what I have been asking you to do all this time." 

"Please talk to your father properly Seokjin." mum said from beside. 

"HE'S NOT MY FUCKING FATHER." I don't raise my voice, but this, it was making me furious at a level where it hurt me, "Y'ALL DISAPPEAR FOR YEARS, HOW MANY? NINE FUCKING YEARS FOR HIM AND ELEVEN FOR YOU, NOT  A WORD,  NOTHING, LEAVING HIM AND ME ALONE, WITH NOTHING, NOT TO LIE, IT WAS  MORE PEACEFUL THAN Y'ALL STAYING BECAUSE ALL Y'ALL EVER DID WAS SCREAM, FIGHT AND REPEAT. THEN Y'ALL COME BACK "TOGETHER" AND TRY TO TALK TO ME, AND EXPECT  ME TO WHAT?"

"Seokjin...we know we were terrible, but we want to make it better, try to understand what we are trying to stay...we are your parents and we are sorry." He said as I laughed out.

"Parents...I don't want to bring this up, but I don't remember any "parent" leaving their children alone to deal with life and disappearing for years-"

"CAN YOU AT LEAST TRY TO-"

"NO I CAN'T. I FUCKING CAN'T MOM. I CAN'T EVEN BEAR TO LOOK AT YOU GUYS STRAIGHT, BECAUSE IT WASN'T Y'ALL WHO WOKE UP EVERYDAY TO SURVIVE, WHO WOKE UP KNOWING HE DIDN'T HAVE ANY SUPPORT AND HAD TO MAKE HIMSELF BELIEVE HE'LL BE FINE, BELIEVING HIS "PARENTS" DIDN'T EXIST, I CAN'T THINK OF Y'ALL AS MY PARENTS. And..." I sighed, "Don't try to make me believe, let's just settle on what y'all want and you both can leave because I don't want y'all in my house." I said siting back down, Tae was old but still I hated screaming in front of him and screaming as whole.

They both sighed, "We told him." They said as I rested my back against the couch, "We are leaving for US, for the company, our company, and we want to take him for proper education and as we figured you won't be interested, he can take over the company after completing his education there and taking the training from hi-"

The rest of her words went blurred out in my brain, they...th-they wanted to take Tae away...from me...? To America...fo-forever...? They left themselves and now they want to take Tae away, he was all I had, I had been living for him,..and...they wanted to...take him away? My heart churned as it felt like each word she spoke stabbed me, I was weak,  I have been weak, because I have been stabbed enough, and if they take Tae away, I'll be alone, but- But I was being insanely selfish, I can't stop  him form having a bright future of being the C.E.O of the famous Kim Company. He...will do well...and will get better guidance under them, of course they'll be able to guide them better than me, and...neither did I have the authority to keep him with me, lawfully they are our parents...so...

"Why are you telling me. It's your decision, talk to him." I said fighting back my tears, my chest hurt, my body hurt, my mind felt heavy and dizzy, I looked at Tae, I can't cry, no I won't, I cupped his cheek and kissed his forehead, "We have to leave today.'  I heard dad saying, I smiled at him, "You know hyung loves you right? Take care okay?" I said hugging him as I stood up, I didn't have balance or the right mind to even walk properly. I walked out, they would not let him keep in touch with me. Never.

I walked to the door and closed it. Walking out. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, I wanted to...never in my life I felt the need of having someone, but now I needed someone to hold me, I needed someone to keep me from breaking, I as breaking. I walked out of the lawn and towards the streets, maybe the empty ones, I sighed. 

My legs started to run, fast, faster, no words entered my ears, nothing was clear, all the views were blurred, loud and heavy car horns, busy road, I didn't have a home to stop, N-namjoon...? My legs didn't stop running, I kept running towards his house, I  didn't have it in me to stop, I had to keep running to not fall apart, and kept running till I reached the wooden guitar scripted, 'Kim Namjoon', I rang the bell.

He opened the door as his eyes widened on seeing me, "...Jin!" He said, and I couldn't hold back my tears anymore, I almost fell as he caught me, I buried my face against his chest as I mumbled the words, "They...are...taking T-tae away..." 

And I cried, of all  the years, the tears and pain I had been holding back, I let it all out, and told  him everything and he listened, he held me close to him, and listened. He saved me, from breaking.