ESCAPADE | BTS X READER ✔️

👾CH. 4👾

It's been... just about 2 months since I was put into this world.

I'm past an entire month and am nearing the end of the 2nd. Just a few more days and it will be a complete 2nd month of my unwilling stay here.

I had gotten so fed up of meat for the first 2 weeks of my stay here that I began a little potato farm, actually. For so, so many days I had completely missed the packets of seeds sitting right below the area I keep the pot full of water. Carrot and potatoes being the largest of quantities. I also collected some exotic looking fruits that reminded me of real life fruits. I haven't touched them yet, though.

It took me many failures and retrying to grow the potatoes and get it right. I also began to grow carrots, it's far more easier to grow with way less retries. They take about 2 weeks to grow, some even more but I managed to grow enough and collected them while more new seeds were planted for more new carrots.

I also always made sure to speak a little everyday, not willing myself to lose my voice from my lack of needing to. To make it less forced, I sung a few songs. 'Anyone' by Demi Lovato being the most frequent.

Right now? I was singing just that as I refilled my pot with fresh new drinking water. I was glad that I had things to keep my mind from drifting into a darker pit.

"I used to crave the world's attention, I think I cried too many times," I sung softly, "I just need some more affection, Anything to get me by," My words faltered like the many other times I sang this song. It started to hit deep within me.

A hundred million stories,

And a hundred million songs,

I feel stupid when I sing.

Nobody's listening to me.

Nobody's listening.

I talk to shooting stars,

But they always get it wrong,

I feel stupid when I pray.

So, why am I praying anyway?

If nobody's listening.

The constant reminder of being alone nagged at me in my head 24/7, yet I can't do anything. Speaking out my thoughts, questions and opinions and still not receiving any answer whatsoever left me hanging and made me feel unimaginably empty inside - So, incredibly isolated and alone. I've done everything for these last 2 months on my own.

I had no one to confide in when things get super tough. No one to lean on when I let my emotions out. No one to tend to my injuries for me. When was the last time I had a decent meal? Seasoned, warm and cooked with love? When was the last time someone called for my name?

The constant hope of waking up back in my room, enjoying a hearty meal with my family and forgetting all of this madness and loneliness I currently felt, left me depressed nearly every morning since the very beginning. It's slowly getting worse as I wake up from consistent dreams of my family. That's how badly I miss them, because they're all I dream about at this point. I simply want my Ma's embrace.

Now that so much time has passed, I can't keep hoping and instead, search for my way out every morning from the crack of dawn. I've felt indifferent towards waking up so incredibly early and sleeping till the moon is right over-head. Indifferent towards the constant scratches I obtain when venturing back into an all too familiar forest I've basically memorised to near perfection.

My singing had reduced to humming and then to nothing by now. My own mind dampening my mood and spirit. I let myself take another gulp of water, subconsciously using it as a way to wash down my negative thoughts.