𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐔𝐒 [𝐓.𝐊]

Chapter 38

Consolatione

Comfort

Jungkook was staring at the moon, trying to forget again, trying to rid his mind of... pictures... images... maybe memories, who knows, he didn't care. He didn't want to care.

He just sat there, on the bench where he first talked to the person who would change his life forever in less than a week. In less than a week.

He sighed.

Jungkook wished his life would've been with Taehyung and Taehyung alone, only the both of them, getting to know each other naturally as they have been and holding the other as they do now, only without having to hide, without having to run away from people, from men, from memories, hatred, and sadness. He wished his life wouldn't be so difficult, so intertwined with so many other foul things. He wished he could just be as perfect as Taehyung made him feel, powerful and beautiful, creative and smart. He wished, oh he wished.

His body was completely drained of energy and will. He didn't want to move, he felt just fine right where he was sitting looking at a dark cloud hiding the moon and stars from view. Just one single moment of moonlight was given to him before it was dark again. What an analogy to his life that could be, a single ray of sunshine, of moonlight, of stars' sight, just mere minutes of a beautiful sunset where he could feel something other than tiredness, and then... darkness again.

He was tired of his life. He had been for so long now, he can't even remember the first time he ever dreamt he could've just woken up somewhere else, or just... not wake up at all. He was very little the first time that happened, and he very well knew why it had. That damned kick in the stomach had marked him for life. No visible scar, no one else would be able to see it–... see them, for they were a lot. He really was tired of having to carry so much, the weight of his past making it hard to walk forward. He just wanted to walk forward, leave all the unpleasant behind and live.

But that's too much to ask. He won't think of why right now, he didn't want to. He didn't want to think, to speculate, to come up with plans, he was too tired, of hiding, lying, hurting, he was tired, of crying, screaming, faking a smile, he was tired.

Taehyung was the only person who could make him feel so free, so utterly free it was almost like he was never tired, like he never had a burden or a scar. He felt young and brave, completely vital and beautiful. The feelings and sensations that Taehyung gave him were so incredibly lovely, that he just wanted to live in them forever. If he couldn't live with the actual feeling, he'll live inside his own memories, he had done that before, and it's no big deal.

And even if it was, he didn't care right now.

The air was really cold on his naked arms, but he didn't care; the woods looked really dark and almost scary without the moonlight, but he didn't care. He wanted to go to his room and sleep, and the only thing he cared about when he thought of that was whether or not his friends were still there. He didn't want to face them, not after Leo had said such a thing and Emily had gasped like she knew it had been uncalled for. Knowing Leo, he would still be there, waiting for him so he could apologize. He would even sleep on his bed if he had to. But Jungkook didn't want to deal with any of that right now. He just wanted to sit there and be.

The sound of the creek a couple of steps from his feet was really soothing, so he closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. Closing his mind and putting a box over his feelings to muffle them, just like he used to do so many times before he met Taehyung. He just concentrated on the cold air brushing his skin, (a skin that had been warm in Taehyung's arms), he just concentrated on breathing in the woodsy scent in the air, (and remembered how Taehyung's was much better), he... just... concentrated on...